How do you think your country will change in the future?

2017-04-20 · 첨삭 강사 Jeny

학생이 쓴 원문

I worry about the korea future. Because Korea resembles japan`s social structure. Forexample, young generation tends to forgive their`s basic life like a getting job, wedding and buying their house. this phenomenom was caused by bad economic situation. Although they graduates univ, gets certificate and hand in their resume the company require the seeker to have other things like vlunteer experience, in direct experience and so on so it makes the young generation delay role in society duty. so it neturally aggravates economic system. thesedays politicians concern over how can solve this problem, they just suggest that small and middle size company expands the employees by appling the money, it helps to develop the economic. but it is not easy to take action. I Just think that if we findouts new industry and new technic, it will hanppen to make better condition.

강사 첨삭

Hello KC
A very good way to improve your own writing is to read other people\'s [이름]d. If you read plenty of good English fiction, you will learn how skillful writers create interesting and believable characters, develop plot, explore a theme, and so on. Then you can express yourself more.
Take care!!!
T.Jeny

I worry about the korea future.
>>I worry about the Korea\'s future.
Because Korea resembles Japan`s social structure.
>>correct
For example, young generation tends to forgive their`s basic life like a getting job, wedding and buying their house.
>>For example, young generation tends to forgive their`s basic life like getting job, wedding and buying their house.
this phenomenon was caused by bad economic situation.
>>correct
Although they graduates univ, gets certificate and hand in their resume the company require the seeker to have other things like vlunteer experience, in direct experience and so on so it makes the young generation delay role in society duty.
>>Although they are university graduates and certificate holders; the company requires other qualifications such as volunteer works, indirect experiences and so on, thus it makes the young generation delay their role in the society.
so it neturally aggravates economic system.
>>In conclusion, it neutrally aggravates economic system.
thesedays politicians concern over how can solve this problem, they just suggest that small and middle size company expands the employees by appling the money, it helps to develop the economic.
>>These days politicians are concern on how to solve this problem, they just suggest that small and middle size companies should increase their wages so that it can help develop the economy.
but it is not easy to take action.
>>correct
I Just think that if we findouts new industry and new technic, it will hanppen to make better condition.
>> I just think that if we could find out new industries and new techniques, it can make our economy in a better condition.

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