How does free time activities differ now compared with the past?

2022-02-11 · 첨삭 강사 Debbie

학생이 쓴 원문

In the past, I did what I wanted during me-time, but now I think about what\'s good for my family first instead of what I want for myself. So I usually spend my free time developing myself to become a better me. For example, I use my free time in studying English, the Bible and investment. It\'s because I am responsible for my family in every respect. I try to be more mature mentally or spiritually because I know that who I am can directly affects my kids. One more thing that is different from the past, now I have a good woman to spend free time together. My wife and I try to be straightforward with each other. We have everything in common - that could be an opinion in my side :). In some sense, it is uncomfortable to be conscious of the other even during me-time. But I believe the Bible\'s saying about a couple that a couple becomes one flesh. If a couple tries to be one, I believe they can experience higher relaxation and happiness coming from true relationship.

강사 첨삭


Hi, Steve! You have delivered your ideas in an orderly way. The overall content of your work is comprehensible.  Be careful with word usage though. 


- Debbie


In the past, I did what I wanted during me-time, but now I think about what\'s good for my family first instead of what I want for myself.
>> In the past, I did what I wanted during my me-time. Now I think about what\'s good for my family first instead of what I want for myself.

So I usually spend my free time developing myself to become a better me.
>> Therefore, I usually spend my free time developing myself to become better.

For example, I use my free time in studying English, the Bible and investment.
>> For example, I use my free time studying English, the Bible and investment.

It\'s because I am responsible for my family in every respect.
>> This is a good sentence.

I try to be more mature mentally or spiritually because I know that who I am can directly affects my kids.
>> I try to be more mature mentally or spiritually because I know that can directly affect my kids.

One more thing that is different from the past, now I have a good woman to spend free time together.
>> One more thing that is different from the past is that I now  have a good woman to spend my free time with.

My wife and I try to be straightforward with each other.
>> This is a good sentence.

We have everything in common - that could be an opinion in my side :).
>> We have everything in common, which could be an advantage for me.

In some sense, it is uncomfortable to be conscious of the other even during me-time.
>> In some sense, it is uncomfortable to be thinking of the other even during me-time.

 But I believe the Bible\'s saying about a couple that a couple becomes one flesh.
>> However, I believe what the Bible says about a couple becoming one flesh.

If a couple tries to be one, I believe they can experience higher relaxation and happiness coming from true relationship.
>> If a couple tries to be one, I believe they can experience true relaxation and happiness coming from a genuine relationship.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·