How does using phones or computers affect our sleep?
학생이 쓴 원문
I think using the phone just before sleeping is affect on time to sleep and quality of sleeping. When we using the phone, we usually watch SNS or Youtube. And these contents almost exciting and it causes that our brain can\'t turn to relaxed mode. As a result, the time to sleep is delayed. Furthermore, because sleep time is decreased, our sleep quality is worse.
And, if phone alarm is ringing during the sleeping, it interferes we fell a deep sleep.
Therefore, I think if we want to sleep well, we keep our phone away and use slient mode during sleeping.
강사 첨삭
Hi, Mary! You explained your ideas very clearly, and your explanation showed good understanding of how phone use affects sleep. I especially liked how you connected phone use to brain activity and sleep quality, and how you gave practical solutions like keeping the phone away and using silent mode. To improve further, try to focus on verb forms (“using the phone affects…”), word choice (“exciting content,” “fall into deep sleep”), and sentence flow to make your writing sound more natural. Overall, your logic was strong, and your example-based explanation made your opinion convincing. Keep practicing, you’re making steady progress!
-Teacher Wela
I think using the phone just before sleeping is affect on time to sleep and quality of sleeping.
>> I think using a phone just before sleeping affects both the time it takes to fall asleep and the quality of sleep.
When we using the phone, we usually watch SNS or Youtube.
>> When we use our phones, we usually watch social media or YouTube.
And these contents almost exciting and it causes that our brain can\'t turn to relaxed mode.
>> These types of content are usually exciting, which prevents our brains from entering a relaxed mode.
As a result, the time to sleep is delayed.
>> As a result, the time it takes to fall asleep is delayed.
Furthermore, because sleep time is decreased, our sleep quality is worse.
>> Furthermore, because total sleep time is reduced, sleep quality becomes worse.
And, if phone alarm is ringing during the sleeping, it interferes we fell a deep sleep.
>> In addition, if a phone alarm rings during sleep, it interferes with our ability to fall into deep sleep.
Therefore, I think if we want to sleep well, we keep our phone away and use slient mode during sleeping.
>> Therefore, if we want to sleep well, we should keep our phones away and use silent mode while sleeping.
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