How has your education contributed to who you are today? Do you think people succeed because of good
학생이 쓴 원문
I don\'t deny that my education contribute to my life. However, I don\'t think the education is only one factor which make people to be successful. I believe that there are a lot of factor that might affect people\'s life such as parents\'s assets, gene, and village where we are living. Recently, young generation say that they can\'t succeed if their family are not rich. It means that students have limitation to get a good job even though they study hard and their score is superior at school. Furthermore, students get different education programs depending on the school. Rich people receive more advanced education, as a result most people become high position politicians or inherit the company which is running by their parents. This is unfair so I would like to change our education system. I hope my children\'s generation live more fair world, more clean earth and no more worries about getting a job.
강사 첨삭
Hi there Sir [이름]~! ^^ Thanks for you commendable opinion. Well, I also believe that education is just one of the factors which make people successful because experiences and influences could also teach us something in life. Have a good one!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don\'t deny that my education contribute to my life.
>>> I don\'t deny that my education contributed to my life.
However, I don\'t think the education is only one factor which make people to be successful.
>>> However, I don\'t think that education is the only factor which makes people successful.
I believe that there are a lot of factor that might affect people\'s life such as parents\'s assets, gene, and village where we are living.
>>> I believe that there are a lot of factors that might affect people\'s life such as parents\'s assets, genes, and the village where we live.
Recently, young generation say that they can\'t succeed if their family are not rich.
>>> Recently, young generations say they can\'t succeed if their family are not rich.
It means that students have limitation to get a good job even though they study hard and their score is superior at school.
>>> It means that students have limitations to get a good job even though they study hard and their score is superior at school.
Furthermore, students get different education programs depending on the school.
>>> CORRECT
Rich people receive more advanced education, as a result most people become high position politicians or inherit the company which is running by their parents.
>>> Rich people receive more advanced education, as a result most of them get high position in politics or inherit the company which is run by their parents.
This is unfair so I would like to change our education system.
>>> CORRECT
I hope my children\'s generation live more fair world, more clean earth and no more worries about getting a job.
>>> I hope my children\'s generation would live in a more fair world, cleaner earth and no worries about getting a job.
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