How is beauty defined in your culture?

2020-05-29 · 첨삭 강사 Gabby

학생이 쓴 원문

I think that the appearance is the most important thing in my culture. People thinks that the appearance is a big portion of managing themselves. So external beauty is very essential to get a job,and join the gathering in my world. Otherwise, they are not that keen on the inner beauty. They believe that focusing the appearance makes life better. That’s not wrong, but it is not healthy. We need some well- balanced perspective. That is a real way for our life.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]. Good job. Thanks for sharing your perspective on beauty. 
- T. Gabby :)
I think that the appearance is the most important thing in my culture.
>> Correct.
People thinks that the appearance is a big portion of managing themselves.
>> People think that appearance is a great portion of ourselves that we have to manage.
So external beauty is very essential to get a job,and join the gathering in my world.
>> So external beauty is very essential to get a job and to be in my world.
Otherwise, they are not that keen on the inner beauty. 
>> Otherwise, they are not that keep to inner beauty.
They believe that focusing the appearance makes life better. 
>> They believe that focusing on your appearance makes life better.
That’s not wrong, but it is not healthy.
>> Correct.
We need some well- balanced perspective. That is a real way for our life.
>> We need some well-balanced perspective. That\'s the real way of life.

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