How My Parents Maintain a Good Health
학생이 쓴 원문
My parents usually climb a mountain to maintain their health. Walking through the paths to the top of the mountain, their legs muscles are strengthened, their lungs are healthier.
My parents eat nuts, like macadamia or walnuts. They have plenty of unsaturated fats, that can be easily decomposed in our bodies.
My parents usually spend their time in outdoor. They meet their friends in gathering, or social club. These outdoor activities can prevent my parents from getting old early. Also it can preserve their mental health.
In my opinion, these can make my parents happier, so they enjoy these activities. Using their time on activities that they like, Eating something they want, they are managing their stresses, and it\'s the path to the live longer.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for taking the time to answer your homework today, Jason. I liked your composition today, you\'ve expressed yourself well using complete sentences with complete thoughts. I liked how you started your sentence, these are good patterns. Please review my corrections carefully, and then try to take notes of the corrections which you have noticed from them. Again, thank you and have a great day ahead! :)
>> My parents usually climb mountains to maintain their health.
Walking through the paths to the top of the mountain, their legs muscles are strengthened, their lungs are healthier.
>> Walking along the paths to the top of the mountain, their leg muscles are strengthened and their lungs become healthier.
My parents eat nuts, like macadamia or walnuts.
>> Walking along the paths to the top of the mountain, their leg muscles are strengthened and their lungs become healthier.
My parents eat nuts, like macadamia or walnuts.
>> Correct.
They have plenty of unsaturated fats, that can be easily decomposed in our bodies.
>> Correct. OR They have plenty of unsaturated fats, that can easily be decomposed in our bodies.
My parents usually spend their time in outdoor.
>> Correct. OR They have plenty of unsaturated fats, that can easily be decomposed in our bodies.
My parents usually spend their time in outdoor.
>> My parents usually spend their time outdoors.
They meet their friends in gathering, or social club.
>> They meet their friends in gatherings or in social clubs.
These outdoor activities can prevent my parents from getting old early.
>> Correct.
Also it can preserve their mental health.
>> Also, it can improve their mental health.
In my opinion, these can make my parents happier, so they enjoy these activities.
>> Also, it can improve their mental health.
In my opinion, these can make my parents happier, so they enjoy these activities.
>> Correct. OR In my opinion, these can make my parents happier, that\'s why they enjoy these activities.
Using their time on activities that they like, Eating something they want, they are managing their stresses, and it\'s the path to the live longer.
>> Using their time on activities that they like and eating something they want helps them in managing their stress, and it\'s the path to a long life.
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