HW 2/10
학생이 쓴 원문
HW 2/10
Writing Exercise: In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work.
Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions in this issue? Answer in 5 sentences or more.
강사 첨삭
Hi Louie!
Great job today!
The expressions that you used were simple and direct.
The examples you have given were also very specific.
Keep it up!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
In modern society, child labor is a controversial issue.
>> Correct
I strongly aurge that child labor should be strictly limited because children should spend their time on understanding world, socializing with others, and learning knowledge in school not working to earn money.
>> I strongly argue that child labor should be strictly limited because children should spend their time on understanding the world, socializing with others, and acquiring knowledge in school and not working to earn money.
As Jean Piaget, a prefessor in education field, said, child labor is meaningless and it has negative effect on development of a child.
>> As Jean Piaget, a professor in the education field, said, child labor is meaningless and it has a negative effect on the development of a child.
In a educational view, childhood is perfect and most effective period to improve their social s[이름]ls and to broaden their perspectives about world.
>> In an educational view, childhood is perfect and the most effective period to improve their social s[이름]ls and to broaden their perspectives about the world.
This is important because people are commonly evaluated by their social network and knowledge.
>> Correct
If we make children work for money, it explicitly means that we steal the opportunity to learn those from the children.
>> Correct
To some extent, it is true that children can learn responsibility and some useful s[이름]ls from working.
>> Correct
However, they can learn those kinds of value without paid work.
>> However, they can learn those values without engaging in paid work.
For example, according to a report of Korean National University, a group of adults who raised some plants in their young is inclined to have more responsibility in their job contrary to the other group of adults who didn\'t.
>> For example, according to a report of Korean National University, a group of adults who raised some plants was inclined to have more sense of responsibility in their jobs contrary to the other group of adults who didn\'t.
So there is no clear reason that children must need to work for learning responsibility.
>> So there is no clear reason that children must work to learn about responsibility.
Therefore, even though we can learn and take responsibility from paid work, there is no specific reason the period must be in our childhood.
>> Therefore, even though we can learn and take responsibility from paid work, there is no specific reason why the period must be in our childhood.
In addition, children need to absorb important value such as social s[이름]ls and knowledge.
>> In addition, children need to absorb important values such as social s[이름]ls and knowledge.
So, I think we should protect children from paid work.
>> Correct
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