I can't live without my phone
학생이 쓴 원문
I think I can't live without my phone.
Including me, many people may think as I do.
because, we already adapted to smart phone.
we want to search something we don't know as soon as possible Since smart phone was released.
It makes easier to find what we don't know.
It gives us convenience.
Like a computer, smart phone change our life, It is such a big change.
For example, we don't have to visit a bank to care an account and we can transfer money through it.
and there are not need to buy additional instrument, if we have a smart phone.
It contain a dictionary, Mp3 player, internet browser, camera and even a remote control.
The most important fact is that I have to recieve all of call for me.
So, It gives me a convenience and simultaneously gives me many task to do
Sometimes, I wish that I were a the one who only have cell phone, then I wouln't be a slave of the work.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]!
Long time no see here! ^_^
Thanks for sending this in today.
You are right, mobile phone is really important these days.
It can make our lives easier and busier as well. Hihihihi.
Kindly go over the corrections given below.
Talk to you soon.
Teacher Nina
Teacher Nina
>> CORRECT!
Including me, many people may think as I do.
Including me, many people may think as I do.
>> CORRECT!
because, we already adapted to smart phone.
because, we already adapted to smart phone.
>> Did you mean: Because we are already used in using smart phones.
>> OR: Because we already adapt in using smart phones.
we want to search something we don\'t know as soon as possible Since smart phone was released.
>> OR: Because we already adapt in using smart phones.
we want to search something we don\'t know as soon as possible Since smart phone was released.
>> We want to search something that we don\'t know as soon as possible since smart phones were released.
>> OR: We began to search something that we don\'t know immediately since smart phones were available.
It makes easier to find what we don\'t know.
>> OR: We began to search something that we don\'t know immediately since smart phones were available.
It makes easier to find what we don\'t know.
>> It is easier to find the things that we don\'t know.
>> OR: It is easier to find the things that we want to know.
It gives us convenience.
>> OR: It is easier to find the things that we want to know.
It gives us convenience.
>> It is convenient.
Like a computer, smart phone change our life, It is such a big change.
Like a computer, smart phone change our life, It is such a big change.
>> Computers and smart phones changed our life. It was brought a big change.
For example, we don\'t have to visit a bank to care an account and we can transfer money through it.
For example, we don\'t have to visit a bank to care an account and we can transfer money through it.
>> For example, we don\'t have to visit the bank to access our account, we can just transfer money through it.
and there are not need to buy additional instrument, if we have a smart phone.
and there are not need to buy additional instrument, if we have a smart phone.
>> And there is no need to buy an additional instrument/ gadget if we have a smart phone.
It contain a dictionary, Mp3 player, internet browser, camera and even a remote control.
It contain a dictionary, Mp3 player, internet browser, camera and even a remote control.
>> CORRECT!
The most important fact is that I have to recieve all of call for me.
The most important fact is that I have to recieve all of call for me.
>> Did you mean: The most important feature is that I can receive calls.
So, It gives me a convenience and simultaneously gives me many task to do
>> Did you mean: So it provides convenience and simultaneously gives me a lot of tasks to do.
>> OR: So, it is convenient and it also gives me a lot of tasks to do.
Sometimes, I wish that I were a the one who only have cell phone, then I wouln\'t be a slave of the work.
Sometimes, I wish that I were a the one who only have cell phone, then I wouln\'t be a slave of the work.
>> I sometimes wish that I was the only one who has a cellphone then I wouldn\'t be a slave of work.
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