I finished my report haha so happy

2020-04-28 · 첨삭 강사 Kate

학생이 쓴 원문

Most evils have a deep relationship with money. We can see a lot of criminals on the News who commit a crime because they indulge in money. It seems like money is the root of evil. But If we think that money is the root of evil, we suddenly minimize the evil side of human beings. Desiring is the essence of human so It\'s natural to indulge in something that we want. However, when reckless desire combines with money, It becomes to exploit others. When someone experiences the pleasure of the money, It\'s getting difficult to get out of that evil rut. As a result, Money can amplify the evil side of humans. But It\'s not evil itself. We can experience various activities with money and our life is deeply connected with money and It\'s necessary to lead a life. As long as we have to live in a capitalist society, we have to learn a sound way to handle it.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름] [이름]!
It\'s always such a treat to read your compositions! I learn a lot from your opinions as well. Keep up the outstanding work! ^^
~~Teacher Kate

Most evils have a deep relationship with money. 
>>CORRECT!
We can see a lot of criminals on the News who commit a crime because they indulge in money. 
>>CORRECT!
It seems like money is the root of evil. But If we think that money is the root of evil, we suddenly minimize the evil side of human beings. 
>>It seems like money is the root of evil. But If we think that money is the root of evil, we suddenly underestimate the evil side of human beings. 
Desiring is the essence of human so It\'s natural to indulge in something that we want. 
>>CORRECT!
However, when reckless desire combines with money, It becomes to exploit others. 
>>However, when reckless desire is combined with money, It becomes a tool to exploit others. 
When someone experiences the pleasure of the money, It\'s getting difficult to get out of that evil rut. 
>>When someone experiences the pleasure of having money, It gets difficult to get out of that evil rut. 
As a result, Money can amplify the evil side of humans. 
>>CORRECT!
But It\'s not evil itself. We can experience various activities with money and our life is deeply connected with money and It\'s necessary to lead a life.
>>But It\'s not evil in itself. We can experience various activities with money and our life is deeply connected with money and It\'s necessary to lead a good life.
As long as we have to live in a capitalist society, we have to learn a sound way to handle it. 
>>CORRECT! (NOTE: This is beautiful! )

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