I hope you read this article It\'s about the sexual exploitation crime in Korea3

2020-03-24 · 첨삭 강사 Kate

학생이 쓴 원문

chatrooms, otherwise called the “Nth Room”. When the footages were collected, “박사\" (Baksa) sold the tickets that allow people to enter the Telegram chatrooms where footages of sexual exploitation and violence are shared. The rooms were named 1st, 2nd, 3rd and so on, according to the price of the tickets and the content shared inside. The cost of the tickets varied, and some were as expensive as 1,500 dollars. More than 260,000 people have joined the chatrooms. Footages of women getting sexually exploited were bought and sold like mere products in the \"Nth Room\". Fake Twitter was not the only way women become victims. Some men deliberately shared the personal information of their girlfriends to the criminals to turn them into “slaves” at the “Nth Room”. Some criminals took women’s personal information by lying that it is a mandatory process in a job interview and turned them into “slaves” as well. The age of the victims is diverse; eleven is the youngest victim identified so far.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름] [이름]!
Thank you for the interesting but creepy composition ^^. 
~~Teacher Kate

chatrooms, otherwise called the “Nth Room”. 
>>>The chatroom are otherwise called the \"Nth Room\". 
When the footages were collected, “박사\" (Baksa) sold the tickets that allow people to enter the Telegram chatrooms where footages of sexual exploitation and violence are shared. 
>>>When the footage were collected, “박사\" (Baksa) sold the tickets that allow people to enter the Telegram chatrooms where footage of sexual exploitation and violence are shared. 
The rooms were named 1st, 2nd, 3rd and so on, according to the price of the tickets and the content shared inside. The cost of the tickets varied, and some were as expensive as 1,500 dollars. 
>>>CORRECT!
More than 260,000 people have joined the chatrooms. Footages of women getting sexually exploited were bought and sold like mere products in the \"Nth Room\". 
>>>CORRECT!
Fake Twitter was not the only way women become victims. Some men deliberately shared the personal information of their girlfriends to the criminals to turn them into “slaves” at the “Nth Room”. 
>>>CORRECT!
Some criminals took women’s personal information by lying that it is a mandatory process in a job interview and turned them into “slaves” as well. 
>>>CORRECT!
The age of the victims is diverse; eleven is the youngest victim identified so far. 
>>>CORRECT!

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