I\'m a passionate...

2022-03-07 · 첨삭 강사 Faith

학생이 쓴 원문

I am an ordinated pastor. I majored in Theology and Christian education and I have ten years of hands-on experience in the churches in South Korea. I\'m a passionate education and counselor who teach and support people. I would like to share its memorable ministry in South Korea. I worked for pregnants when I was Intern. Every Thursday, I had to prepare activities for them. For example, during the programs, pregnants listened to Christian piano music and read books together, played yoga, had delicious snacks, various activities, etc. I had eight teachers who were good helpers. When I worked for them in South Korea, I have never experienced pregnancy. So I didn\'t know how to deal with pregnancy. However, my teachers all were mothers. They helped me a lot. I was taught by my teachers. I realized this after I became a mother. How well I didn\'t know. That\'s why I think experience is just as important as passion!

강사 첨삭

Wow! Thank you, Jane! I was really happy reading it. You are what you are because of your personal and professional experiences. See you later!-Faith-
I am an ordinated pastor. 
>> I am an ordained pastor. 
I majored in Theology and Christian education and I have ten years of hands-on experience in the churches in South Korea. 
>> CORRECT
OR I majored in Theology and Christian education and I have extensive experience supervising churches in South Korea. 
I\'m a passionate education and counselor who teach and support people. 
>> I\'m a passionate educator and counselor who teach and support people. 
I would like to share its memorable ministry in South Korea. 
>> I would like to share my memorable ministry in South Korea. 
I worked for pregnants when I was Intern. 
>> I worked for pregnant women when I was an Intern. 
Every Thursday, I had to prepare activities for them. 
>> CORRECT
For example, during the programs, pregnants listened to Christian piano music and read books together, played yoga, had delicious snacks, various activities, etc. 
>> For example, during the programs, pregnant women listened to Christian piano music and read books together, played yoga, had delicious snacks, and other various activities.
I had eight teachers who were good helpers. 
>> CORRECT
OR I was fortunate enough to have worked with eight teachers who helped me out.
When I worked for them in South Korea, I have never experienced pregnancy. 
>> When I worked for them in South Korea, I had never experienced pregnancy. 
So I didn\'t know how to deal with pregnancy. 
>> So, I didn\'t know how to deal with pregnancy. 
However, my teachers all were mothers. 
>> CORRECT
They helped me a lot. I was taught by my teachers. 
>> They helped me a lot by teaching me many things about it.
I realized this after I became a mother. 
>> I realized how much I didn\'t know after I became a mother.
That\'s why I think experience is just as important as passion!
>> That\'s why, I think experience is just as important as passion!

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