I think...

2014-08-31 · 첨삭 강사 Nina

학생이 쓴 원문

I think that the experience taht made me matured person was occurred when I was at the age of twelve. When I was a elementary student, I was the sort of student who pick other girls. It was bad but you know that most boys around these age do that so I didn't feel any embarrasing emotion. even I felt proud my self becaus It gave me a some kind of triump form them. but I was totally changed when I met the girl. She was my alumno who suffed from my joke and picking up. When I found that I like her, I was very embarrassed. I felt really sorry to her for what I did. Sadly, I failed to get along with her but After that I reallized It was very bad thing to pick someone up. That experience made me look back on my life. I try to do right thing and gave someone a favor when they need help.

강사 첨삭

Hello there [이름]!

Happy Sunday. ^^

How are you? I hope that you are doing great.

Hahahaha! I am sure that girls were really annoyed. Hihihi.

Thank you for doing your homeowrk.

Talk to you soon.

Please go over the corrections.

Teacher Nina

I think that the experience taht made me matured person was occurred when I was at the age of twelve.

>> I think the experience that made me a matured person occurred when I was at the age of twelve.

>> OR: I think the experience that molded me to be a matured person happened when I was twelve years old.
When I was a elementary student, I was the sort of student who pick other girls.

>> When I was an elementary student, I was the sort of student who picks on other girls.

>> OR: When I was in elementary, I was the kind of student who picks on other girls.
It was bad but you know that most boys around these age do that so I didn\'t feel any embarrasing emotion.

>> It was bad but you know that most boys around these age do that so I didn\'t feel embarrassed.

even I felt proud my self becaus It gave me a some kind of triump form them.

>> Did you mean: I even felt proud of myself because it gave a some kind of triumph from them.
but I was totally changed when I met the girl.

>> But I totally changed when I met a girl.
he was my alumno who suffed from my joke and picking up.

>> She is my schoolmate who suffered from my jokes and teases.

>> OR: She is my alumna who suffered from teases and jokes.
When I found that I like her, I was very embarrassed.

>> When I found out that I like her. I was very embarrassed.

I felt really sorry to her for what I did.

>> Correct
Sadly, I failed to get along with her but After that I reallized It was very bad thing to pick someone up.

>> Sadly, I failed to get along with her after I realized that it was very bad to pick on someone.
That experience made me look back on my life.

>> Correct

I try to do right thing and gave someone a favor when they need help.

>> I try to do the right thing and give someone a favor when they need help.

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