I will go to Mars if I have the opportunity because of my values, people and the environment.
학생이 쓴 원문
I will go to Mars if I have the opportunity because of my values, people and the environment. First, I like the saying, \'connecting dots\'. It means if we do something, we put a dot and those dots are connected so that has a synergy effect. To connect many dots, I think \'just do it\' mind is prominent. If I take courage and make a dot by traveling to Mars, I can make more dots, for a great future on Mars awaits me. Also, it is okay to grab a new chance since I already live on earth for 50 years when the year is 2050. Secondly, there are family and loved ones too on Mars, and I also meet many people who are at least challenging. When I meet a stranger on Mars, it means the person also moved from the earth and that person might be passionate in his or her life. Therefore, I can have a conversation with others and challenge our life together. Lastly, I would like to keep the environment of the earth. The earth is already saturation, and I can help not to be polluted more.
강사 첨삭
WOW! I didn\'t know you are a person who takes challenges head on! ^ ^
Nice thoughts you have here Su [이름]. I definitely agree with you. Grab that chance! Grab that opportunity! Anyway we only live once, why not try everything that can make you happy and fulfilled! ^ ^
-Teacher Jedah
>>CORRECT
First, I like the saying, \'connecting dots\'.
>>I like the phrase, \"connecting dot\".
It means if we do something, we put a dot and those dots are connected so that has a synergy effect.
>>CORRECT
To connect many dots, I think \'just do it\' mind is prominent.
>>CORRECT OR
>>To connect many dots; the \"just do it\" mindset is imperative.
If I take courage and make a dot by traveling to Mars, I can make more dots, for a great future on Mars awaits me.
>>CORRECT
Also, it is okay to grab a new chance since I already live on earth for 50 years when the year is 2050.
>>Also, it is okay to grab a new chance since I have already lived on earth for 50 years when the year is 2050.
Secondly, there are family and loved ones too on Mars, and I also meet many people who are at least challenging.
>>Secondly, there would be other families and probably loved ones too on Mars, and I will also meet many people who are at least challenging.
When I meet a stranger on Mars, it means the person also moved from the earth and that person might be passionate in his or her life.
>>CORRECT
Therefore, I can have a conversation with others and challenge our life together.
>>CORRECT
Lastly, I would like to keep the environment of the earth.
>>CORRECT
The earth is already saturation, and I can help not to be polluted more.
>>The earth is already saturated and I can probably contribute to not making it more polluted.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.