I would like to change two things about my personality.

2020-04-20 · 첨삭 강사 Jedah

학생이 쓴 원문

I want to change two things about my personality. First, I would like to love myself more. In my experience, I like myself when I live a full life. For example, when I exercise continuously for a week, I was proud of myself and my body shape even though it was not perfect. Therefore, I want to be a person who always lives diligently. Secondly, I want to change my way of doing work. I usually don\'t consider the order of priority, which is quite a bad habit. All works can compare which one is more important; however, I like to cope with a task that is not so important. I don\'t want to push myself from the very first, although I know the order of priority among tasks. You might think that it isn\'t serious, but sometimes I waste time doing subservient assignments and rather allocate less time when I do important homework. Thus, I want to get over the habit. In conclusion, I want to be always industrious and better at prioritizing tasks and keeping them.

강사 첨삭

Hi Su [이름]! Thank you for your thoughts here. I really appreciate it. ^ ^
Nice composition. I made corrections with some of your sentences. One of which has something to do with your verb tense and the others is just a matter of rephrasing them to make it sound better. ^ ^
-Teacher Jedah

I want to change two things about my personality. 
>>CORRECT
First, I would like to love myself more. 
>>CORRECT
In my experience, I like myself when I live a full life. 
>>CORRECT
For example, when I exercise continuously for a week, I was proud of myself and my body shape even though it was not perfect. 
>>For example, when I exercise continuously for a week, I am proud of myself and my body shape even though it is not perfect. 
Therefore, I want to be a person who always lives diligently. 
>>CORRECT
Secondly, I want to change my way of doing work. 
>>CORRECT
I usually don\'t consider the order of priority, which is quite a bad habit. 
>>CORRECT
All works can compare which one is more important; however, I like to cope with a task that is not so important. 
>>We can actually know which task is the most to the least important; however, I like to dealing more with the least important tasks.
I don\'t want to push myself from the very first, although I know the order of priority among tasks. 
>>I don\'t want to push myself from the very start, although I know the order of priority among my tasks. 
You might think that it isn\'t serious, but sometimes I waste time doing subservient assignments and rather allocate less time when I do important homework. 
>>CORRECT
Thus, I want to get over the habit. 
>>CORRECT OR
>>Thus, I want to get over the habit of procrastinating.
In conclusion, I want to be always industrious and better at prioritizing tasks and keeping them.
>>CORRECT

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