IELTS writing task 1 / How much score would I get?

2019-08-23 · 첨삭 강사 Mayleen

학생이 쓴 원문

The diagrams show statistical information regarding the ages of the habitabts of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and also a estimative for 2050. We can see that in 2000 the majority of people in Yemen was between 0 and 14 years old, within 50.1%, whereas in Italy most of the population was between 15-59 years old within 61.6%, in the same year. On the other hamd, just 3.6% of people in the former country was 60 years old or more in 2000, while in the latter country this figure is represented within 24.1%. The projections for 2050 show that the number of people with 15-59 years and 60 years or more will increase in Yemen, reaching 57.3% and 5.7% respectively. In contrast, in Italy, the population with 15-59 years will decrease th 46.2% while people with 60 years or more will grow to 42.3%. Overall, it is possible to see that there is an upward trend on the rates of people with 60 years or more in both countries.

강사 첨삭

Good afternoon, [이름]! ^^,)

It\'s Fire Friday!

Thank you for this composition. I have made some modifications for you to review later on.

Be careful with your spelling. 0-14, 15-59, and 60+ and up are age groups or range so you can use \'within\' or \'in their\'. For percentage, you can use the word \'at\' depending on your sentence structure.

See you later in class.

_T. Mayleen :)

The diagrams show statistical information regarding the ages of the habitabts of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and also a estimative for 2050.
>>> The diagrams show statistical information regarding the ages of habitants of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and the estimate for 2050.

We can see that in 2000 the majority of people in Yemen was between 0 and 14 years old, within 50.1%, whereas in Italy most of the population was between 15-59 years old within 61.6%, in the same year.

>>> We can see that in 2000, the majority of people in Yemen were between 0 and 14 years old at 50.1%, whereas the population in Italy was mostly from the 15-59 years old age group at 61.6% in the same year.

On the other hamd, just 3.6% of people in the former country was 60 years old or more in 2000, while in the latter country this figure is represented within 24.1%.
>>> On the other hand, just 3.6% of people in the former country were in their 60\'s and above in 2000, while in the latter country, this age group is represented at 24.1%.

The projections for 2050 show that the number of people with 15-59 years and 60 years or more will increase in Yemen, reaching 57.3% and 5.7% respectively.

>>> The projections for 2050 show that the number of people within 15-59 years and 60 years or more will increase in Yemen, reaching 57.3% and 5.7% respectively.

In contrast, in Italy, the population with 15-59 years will decrease th 46.2% while people with 60 years or more will grow to 42.3%.
>>> In contrast, in Italy, the population within 15-59 years will decrease to 46.2% while people within 60 years or more will rise to 42.3%.

Overall, it is possible to see that there is an upward trend on the rates of people with 60 years or more in both countries.

>>> Overall, it is possible to see that there is an upward trend in the number of population within 60 years or more in both countries.

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