If I have a land to use as I wish

If I get some land to use, first I will build my own house. Because I have lived in an apartment, I‘ve admired a single house that has a large garden and pool like American house in a hollywood movie. Swimming in my pool is very interesting. Also, I will invite my friend and relatives and hold parties. And another dream is to have my own building. It is also my final dream. If I　own my building, I will give a first floor to my sister. Because she is a pâtisser, having a beautiful cafe is her dream. If I design interior of the cafe and she makes delicious dessert and sell them, it would be very nice. And 2nd floor will be given to my parents and my brother. My father and brother’s hobby is drawing and my mother like making chinas. They have artistic talents. I will make a studio for their hobbies. And the rest of space will lend for others. Only envisioning is very exciting for me.

  Good job [이름]! ^^ You have a knack for writing. You should probably be a writer. ^^ Wonderful job in describing your dream building and, you know, dreaming in such detail would make it easier for you to achieve this. ^^ Most of your sentences are correct however, it is better to use \"would\" rather than \"will\" in your composition because \"would\" is the past tense form of will. Since it is a past tense it is used to talk about hypotheses - things that are imagined rather than true. There are just some hitches with the words used but all in all, the best essay I have ever read from a student. ^^   All good things, ==Teacher Charlie==     If I get some land to use, first I will build my own house. >> If I get some land to use, I will first build my own house on it.   Because I have lived in an apartment, I‘ve admired a single house that has a large garden and pool like American house in a hollywood movie. >> Since I have lived in an apartment my whole life, I\'ve admired bungalow houses with wide gardens and pools; much like the American houses shown in Hollywood movies.   Swimming in my pool is very interesting. Also, I will invite my friend and relatives and hold parties. >> Swimming in my own pool would be very interesting. I would also invite my friends and family and hold parties. And another dream is to have my own building. >> My other dream is to have my own building.   It is also my final dream. >> This is what I really want to achieve.    If I　own my building, I will give a first floor to my sister. Because she is a pâtisser, having a beautiful cafe is her dream. >> If I had my own building, I would give the first floor to my sister because she is a patissier and having a beautiful cafe is her dream.   If I design interior of the cafe and she makes delicious dessert and sell them, it would be very nice. >> It would be very nice because I would design the interior of the cafe and she would make delicious desserts to sell.   And 2nd floor will be given to my parents and my brother. >> The second floor would be given to my parents and my brother.   My father and brother’s hobby is drawing and my mother like making chinas. >> The hobby of my father and brother is drawing while my mother likes making chinaware.   They have artistic talents. >> CORRECT   I will make a studio for their hobbies. And the rest of space will lend for others. >> I would design a studio for their hobbies and the rest of the building would be rented out as commercial spaces. Only envisioning is very exciting for me. >> Just imagining this makes me very excited.