If I won the lottery, the first thing I would do is..

Hi there [이름]!

I am so happy to see your excitement in making compositions. ^^

I hope you keep being this enthusiastic all throughout our classes.

Here are some corrections to your composition.

~~t. Ally

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If I won the lottery, the first thing I would do is to find out how to save and increase the money.

>> CORRECT!

 If I won the lottery, the first thing I would do is to keep it as a secret.
>> CORRECT!

< Ally! I made a composition. ^^>

 Oh my god!! I won the lottery. What should I do with that money?

>> Oh my god, I won the lottery! What should I do with all that money?

 Well… It depends on the amount of money!

>> Well, it depends on the amount of money!

If the money is as little as enough for a Mercedes or BMW, I will spend it at once.

>> If the money is just enough to buy a Mecedes or a BMW, I will spend it all at once.

It’s not enough for me to retire with that money. I will buy something worthy to satisfy myself and my family.

>> I don\'t think that money would be enough for me to retire from work, so I will just buy something worthy to satisfy myself and my family.

 And then I will live an ordinary life as before.

>> CORRECT!

 But, if the lottery is very huge, I will make a team to protect and increase my fortune! I could live a financially abundant life and hand the fortune down to my posterity.

>> But if the lottery money is huge, I will build a team that will protect and increase my fortune! I would live a financially abundant life and hand the money down to my posterity.

 Even in this case, I will try to live an ordinary life too.

>> Even in this case, I will still try to live an ordinary life.

People know that unexpected great fortune could spoil our lives.

>> CORRECT!

I don’t want my children to live a loose, unfocused and dissipated(dissolute, prodigal, profligate.. Ally! Which one is more appropriate?) life.

>> CORRECT! (The word \'dissipated is the most appropriate term for this context\') ^^

 I said the word ‘protect’, it does not only mean to protect money but also to protect our entire lives. 

>> By \"protect\", I mean to protect both the money and our lives.