If you can change something about the world, what would it be and why would you change it

2018-04-11 · 첨삭 강사 Glenda

학생이 쓴 원문

If i have a power to change something about the world, i might get rid of sovereign power. You know, the sovereign power is most respectful in contemporary world. So strong country and international organization cannot intervene in disputes of other countries. The most practical evidence will be 'Rwande Genocide". Around 800,000 people were dead under this incident. However, UN and UN security councill could not enter Rwanda because all country have to be considered to comply with(keep) self-determination role and sovereignty power. More easily, they think the matter of Rwanda must be solved by Rwanda itself. But it brought a huge mass killing. To save the world, we completely head for abolishing the concept of sovereign power. It can be adapted in the case of Syria. A lot of innocent people is under the shadow of the death as same as Rwanda. The topic is futher serious. Isn't it? hahaha Anyway, i think our daily talk is not a wasting. It's really helpful for me^_^ [이름]

강사 첨삭

If i have a power to change something about the world, i might get rid of sovereign power.
>> If I have the power to change something about the world, I might get rid of sovereign power.

You know, the sovereign power is most respectful in contemporary world.

>> The sovereign power is the most respected in contemporary world.

So strong country and international organization cannot intervene in disputes of other countries.

>>So, strong countries and international organization cannot intervene in disputes of other countries.

The most practical evidence will be \'Rwande Genocide\". Around 800,000 people were dead under this incident.

>> The most practical evidence is the \'Rwanda Genocide\". Around 800,000 people died/were killed in this incident.

However, UN and UN security councill could not enter Rwanda because all country have to be considered to comply with(keep) self-determination role and sovereignty power.

>> However, UN and UN security council could not intervene and enter Rwanda because all parties have to comply with self-determination role and sovereignty/sovereign power.

More easily, they think the matter of Rwanda must be solved by Rwanda itself. But it brought a huge mass killing.

>> Moreover, they think that the matter of Rwanda must be solved by Rwanda itself. But it brought a huge mass killing.

>>> Moreover, they think that the crisis in Rwanda must be solved by Rwanda itself. But it resulted to a genocide.

To save the world, we completely head for abolishing the concept of sovereign power.

>> To save the world, we completely head the abolishment of the concept of sovereign power.

It can be adapted in the case of Syria.

>> Correct

A lot of innocent people is under the shadow of the death as same as Rwanda.
>> Correct
The topic is futher (further) serious. Isn\'t it? hahaha
>> The topic is rather serious, isn\'t it?
Anyway, i think our daily talk is not a wasting. It\'s really helpful for me^_^
>> Anyway, I think our daily talk is not a waste.
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