If you could change one thing about your culture, what would it be?

2015-08-28 · 첨삭 강사 Nina

학생이 쓴 원문

If I could change one thing about my culture in Korea, I would like to focus on improving mature civic awareness. People are becoming more selfish due to the fierce competition and prevalent materialism. Money and power speak louder than anything else. They do not regard highly the basic citizenship like respecting others, being polite, and not throwing away trashes on the streets. Not all the problems and social issues can be resolved by the state, and excessive dependence on state authorities only leads to more regulations. A country cannot operate properly without the participation and devotion of its citizens. However, in Korean society today, the citizenship devoted to the maintenance and development of the community has weakened. Extreme competition created a society of sand grains, where each member becomes increasingly selfish. Education and civic campaigns should emphasize “us”, not “me.” We are too much obsessed with how to excel over others, which ruins our lives.

강사 첨삭

Burning Friday, Sir [이름]!

Yipee! I am so happy that you can take a rest this weekend.

You made my week really an awesome one.

Perfect composition too!

I appreciate that you shared your point of views about the matter discussed.

I want to the citizens in the Philippines to continue in respecting other people, being polite and hospitable to foreigners.

Have a great day, Talk to you soon.

Teacher Nina


If I could change one thing about my culture in Korea, I would like to focus on improving mature civic awareness.

>> correct

People are becoming more selfish due to the fierce competition and prevalent materialism.

>> correct

Money and power speak louder than anything else.

>> correct

They do not regard highly the basic citizenship like respecting others, being polite, and not throwing away trashes on the streets.

>> correct

Not all the problems and social issues can be resolved by the state, and excessive dependence on state authorities only leads to more regulations.

>> correct

A country cannot operate properly without the participation and devotion of its citizens.

>> correct

However, in Korean society today, the citizenship devoted to the maintenance and development of the community has weakened.

>> correct

Extreme competition created a society of sand grains, where each member becomes increasingly selfish.

>> correct

Education and civic campaigns should emphasize “us”, not “me.”

>> correct

We are too much obsessed with how to excel over others, which ruins our lives.

>> correct

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

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