If you had only 24 hours to live, what would you do?

2017-12-11 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

First, I will write a lot of letters to the people who I have met during my life since I would wanted to mark that I have been lived in this world. And then I will send letters with enclosed lotto as a present to the people. Second, I will do everything except kill the others because of that I have been wondered about the feeling of the things opposite my belief furthermore dangerous things. For example, drug, smoking a cigar, riding a motor cycle very fast on the road, spraying money at the highest floor, and prostitution. However, I think I might not do all of thinks that I wrote since I would not have enough time to do. Thus, I will spend my last day as below. I will just withdrawal all of my money in the bank, and then put money in my house giving it to my parents and younger brother. And I will buy ice-cream cake to celebrate my last day in the world. I think the others don’t need to be sad since I will go back to the area that I have been come from.

강사 첨삭

Good morning Jason^^

There are a lot of dishes in the world, why did you choose ice cream cake?

Ha! Ha! That sounds cool, though^^

Take note of your active versus passive voice~

See you later

First, I will write a lot of letters to the people who I have met during my life since I would wanted to mark that I have been lived in this world.

>>First, I will write a lot of letters to the people who I have met during my life since I would wanted to mark that I have lived in this world.

 And then I will send letters with enclosed lotto as a present to the people.

>>And then I will send letters with an enclosed lotto ticket as a present to the people.
 Second, I will do everything except kill the others because of that I have been wondered about the feeling of the things opposite my belief furthermore dangerous things.

>> Second, I will do everything except kill the others which is the reason why I wondered about the feelings of others opposite my belief, not to mention, dangerous things.

For example, drug, smoking a cigar, riding a motor cycle very fast on the road, spraying money at the highest floor, and prostitution.

>>For example, doing drugs, smoking a cigar, riding a motorcycle very fast on the road, scattering money at the highest floor, and prostitution.
 However, I think I might not do all of thinks that I wrote since I would not have enough time to do.

>> However, I think I might not do all of the things that I wrote since I would not have enough time to do.
Thus, I will spend my last day as below.

>>CORRECT!
 I will just withdrawal all of my money in the bank, and then put money in my house giving it to my parents and younger brother.

>> I will just withdraw all of my money in the bank, and then put the money in my house and give it to my parents and younger brother.

 And I will buy ice-cream cake to celebrate my last day in the world.

>>CORRECT!

I think the others don’t need to be sad since I will go back to the area that I have been come from.

>> I think the others don’t need to be sad since I will go back to the area that I came from.

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