If you were president, what would you change about your country? Why?

Hi there!

Another wonderful composition from you. ^^

I enjoyed reading your composition.

Anyway, please check the corrections I noted.

See you later!

~T. Jessie~

If I were the president of south korea, I would change our military service system.

>> If I were the president of South Korea, I would change our military service system.

>> Correct!

Therefore, when young men are old enough to do military service, they have to do military service regardless of their will.

Concerning this issue, some people think that conscription system is necessary for the special case of our nation, specifically divided into two countries.

>> Concerning this issue, some people think that conscription system is necessary for the special case of our nation, specifically because we are divided into two countries.

However, I think that this thought is out of date, as it is not people but weapons and useful military equipments that actually is important to modern war.

>> However, I think that this thought is out of date, as it is not people but weapons and useful military equipment are actually the most important to  a modern war.

In conclusion, conscription system is not only unnecessarily coercive about people, but also ineffective for modern war.

>> In conclusion, conscription system is not only unnecessarily coercive to people, but also ineffective for modern war.

Therefore, I would like to change military service system in our country from conscription system to volunteer military system.

>> Therefore, I would like to change the current military service system in our country from conscription system to volunteer military system.