If you were the richest person in your country, what would you invest in? Please explain your answer

2019-05-03 · 첨삭 강사 Fiona

학생이 쓴 원문

If I was the richest person in my country, one of the things that I want to do was that to build a medical school for our school. And I also want to invest my money to the hospital of our school, and research for the academic field, for being our school and hospital become bigger and developper. the reasons were that: First, our school have many major related to health department, including nursing science, however we do not have medical school, so we can not educate doctor who graduate our school. And the hospital in our school now is so small and can not include many medical departments. If we have our own medical school, we can earn more power for develope our hospital, and make our students feel more proud being a member of our school. Second, if we have a hospital which have developed system and competent faculties, we also can do more services for the community.

강사 첨삭

Happy Friday Ms. [Name]^^ 
I guess you had a lot of free time today and I am glad that you had :) 

If you were the richest person in your country, what would you invest in? Please explain your answer

If I was the richest person in my country, one of the things that I want to do was that to build a medical school for our school. 
>>If I was the richest person in our country, one of the things I wanted to do was to set up a medical school for our school.
And I also want to invest my money to the hospital of our school, and research for the academic field, for being our school and hospital become bigger and developper. 
>>I also want to invest my money in the hospital in my school. And I want to study the academic field. Because our schools and hospitals are bigger and more developed.
the reasons were that:
>>The reasons were as follows:
First, our school have many major related to health department, including nursing science, however we do not have medical school, so we can not educate doctor who graduate our school. 
>>First, our school has many majors related to health, such as nursing, but we cannot teach doctors who graduate from school because there is no medical school.
And the hospital in our school now is so small and can not include many medical departments. 
>>And now the hospital in our school is too small to include many medical departments.
If we have our own medical school, we can earn more power for develope our hospital, and make our students feel more proud being a member of our school. 
>>If we have our own medical school, we can gain more power for the development of the hospital and feel more proud of our students being part of our school.
Second, if we have a hospital which have developed system and competent faculties, we also can do more services for the community.
>>Secondly, if we have a system and a competent hospital, we can also do more service for the community.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·