\"Importance of Rest and Balance in a Busy Life“

2025-02-03 · 첨삭 강사 Lia

학생이 쓴 원문

For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important. If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car. Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do. I need management in my life to have rest and balance. Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities. Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.

강사 첨삭

David, your writing presents a great reflection on balance and self-care. Your points are strong, and your message is meaningful. Keep up the great work in expressing your thoughts.


~ T. Lia


For us living in the modern world, the harmony between working and having a break is so important.
>> CORRECT


If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both driver and car.
>> If I drive a long distance without a break, I would arrive at my destination quickly, but serious problems or accidents can occur for both the driver and the car.


Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and help me work more efficiently on what I do.
>> Having a break and balance in a busy life helps me look back on where I am going and helps me work more efficiently on what I do.


I need management in my life to have rest and balance.
>> I need to manage my life to have rest and balance.


Just as the boss reduce non-critical departments in the company and expand more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in me for more important activities.
>> Just as the boss reduces non-critical departments in the company and expands more important departments, I also need the courage to eliminate non-critical activities in my life and invest in myself for more important activities.


Investment in me includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthy for a long time.
>> Investment in myself includes rest, education, and hobbies, and eventually becomes the driving force for me to do my work healthily for a long time.

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