In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on construc

Hello, Miss [이름]! Your answer is just okay. One important thing is that you gave your stand on the issue. If you are writing an opinion essay, make sure you can identify both sides of the issue and you were able to that. You kept it simple and that was good. It is important to remember that the IELTS writing tasks are not testing how well you know the subject, or how smart you are. They assess your ability to present ideas clearly and cohesively in English. Therefore, it is important to structure paragraphs and sentences so that they present one idea per sentence and one controlling idea per paragraph. Support your arguments with evidence (an example or explanation), then conclude your paragraph by linking the support to your idea. Good luck!

~Teacher Chloe

Hello Chloe, I tried IELTS accademic writing essay, but I\'m not sure my answer is proper to the question. so, can you check the overall flow of the article and whether my answer to the question is proper or not?
>>Hello, Chloe! I tried answering the IELTS academic writing essay questions but I am unsure whether my answers are proper or not. Please, check my answer and let me know If I was able to answer the question right.
Question--->In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving exsiting public transports. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
As increasing in housing price, a large number of people prefer to live in small cities even though their work places are still located in the big cities.

>>As housing price increases, a large number of people prefer to live in small cities despite their work places are located in big cities.

Regarding this issue, for efficient commute, some people assert that the government funds should be used on constructing high-speed railway, however, some believe that the development of existing public transportation is more urgent.
>>Some believe that it is necessary to spend large sums on improving of existing public transports. However, some people assert that the government funds should be used on constructing new high-speed railway lines.  
On the one hand, it is true that many people are in favour of having a speedy and reliable train to their efficient commute.

>>Many people are in favor of having a speedy and reliable trains for better communication system.

This is because a large of population now tend to move to cities where providing low housing prices.

>>This is because there is a large population of commuters such as those who reside in cities where there are low housing prices.  

Therefore, if a large sums of money spend on building new railway lines, it will lead to positive effect on population dispersion, and this will consequently resulted in balanced development of the country.
>>Therefore, if a large sum of money will be spent on improving existing public transports, it will bring a positive effect on population dispersion, and this will consequently be resulting into a more balanced and developed country.
On the other hand, traffic congestion and air pollution is inevitable issue in modern society, thus, some people argue that to resolve this problem, government should invest in improving existing public transportation system to encourage people to use public transports rather than use their private vehicles.

>>On the other hand, traffic congestion and air pollution is inevitable issue in modern society, thus, some people argue that to resolve this problem, government should invest in improving existing public transportation systems to encourage people to use public transports rather than  private vehicles.

They believe that by creating various bus routes and well- managed train and bus schedules will be successfully bring up to lessening pollution and traffic problem.
>>They believe that by creating various bus routes and well- managed trains and buses schedules, it can successfully lessen pollution and traffic problems.
In conclusion, as clearly seen from both of view, how to allocate government money will lead to a very different consequences in the society.

>>In conclusion, from both point of views, how to allocate the government\'s money will bring very different advantages in the society.

However I personally believe that government funds should be spend more on fast train because fast trains also one of the public transportation system so it will be the solution of reducing pollution and traffic problems.  

>>However, I personally believe that government funds should be spent more on fast trains or on public transportation systems to lessen pollution and traffic problems.