: In some countries young people are not only richer, but also safer and healthier than ever before.

2020-12-21 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

There are a lot of ways to make money a lot these days. The Youtube is the representative web site that young people can make money with their unique contents. People used to earn money by putting a lot of efforts and used to work harder than now. People also could earn money proportionally according to the time they spent at work. However, everyone have a chance to be millionaire, if they have attractive items these days. To be interested from netizens, many producers who make video contents try to find sensational topics. I think that there will be difficulties to find fresh items for attracting people because somebody already did before and the limitation of topics. As a results, Youtubers might have mental illness due to their jobs. People tend to spend money easily, if they earn it without any efforts. Young people also have worries about their future because their job is not stable.

강사 첨삭

Hi there Mr. [이름]! As you might’ve heard, “You become like the people you spend the most time with.”So by surrounding yourself with people who’ve accomplished, or will accomplish, great things, you’ll feel more eager to start writing.
Just so you can be a great essay writer too.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
There are a lot of ways to make a lot of money  these days.
>>> CORRECT
Youtube is the representative website that young people can make money with their unique contents. 
>>> CORRECT
People used to earn money by putting a lot of efforts and used to work harder than now.
>>> CORRECT
 People also could earn money proportionally according to the time they spent at work. 
>>> CORRECT
However, everyone has a chance to be a millionaire, if they have attractive items these days. 
>>> CORRECT
To be interested from netizens, many producers who make video contents try to find sensational topics.
>>> CORRECT
I think that there will be difficulties to find fresh items to attract people because somebody already did before and the limitation of topics. 
>>> CORRECT
As a results, Youtubers might have mental illness due to their jobs.
>>> CORRECT
 People tend to spend money easily, if they earn it without any efforts. 
>>> CORRECT
Young people also have worries about their future because their job is not stable.
>>> CORRECT

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·