In your opinion, how should we approach teenage pregnancy and suicide?
학생이 쓴 원문
강사 첨삭
Hi there, [이름]!
Thanks for doing your homework.
You stated some very good points here.
Good job!
Kindly review my corrections below.
Talk to you later.
Ciao!
~Teacher Marie~ ^^
There are many teenage preganancy and suicide happen in South Korea.
>> There are many cases of teenage pregnancy and suicide in South Korea.
The leading cause of death is suicide for teenagers.
>> CORRECT!
The number one cause is suicide.
>> CORRECT!
*This has the same meaning as the previous sentence. ^^
And recently, teenage pregnancy has increased in South Korea.
>> CORRECT!
How can we deal with these problems?
>> CORRECT!
Do we have a solution for these problems?
>> CORRECT!
We should think and approach these problems deeply.
>> We should think about how to approach these problems.
We need to make solution all together socially.
>> We need to come up with a solution as a society.
First of all, I think there is problem in schools.
>> First of all, I think there is a problem in our schools.
Students in South Korea get a lot of stress from school.
>> CORRECT!
It is excessive stress from excessive studying and working.
>> They get stressed out from excessive studying and working.
In South Korea, there is competivtive society.
>> The Korean society is very competitive.
Students and worker want to get number one prize form schools and companies.
>> Both students and workers want to be \"number one\" in everything.
Problems happen from that kind of situation.
>> This kind of situation causes some problems.
Students and workers should try to find to relieve stress through various ways.
>> Both students and workers should try to find a way to relieve stress.
Having hobbies and doing excercise will relieve stress and make you feel happy.
>> Having some hobbies and doing exercises can help them relieve stress and feel happy.
I think if we cannot change the circumcetance or problem itself, we should find a way to change myself.
>> I think that if we cannot change the circumstance or the problem itself, then we should find a way to change ourselves.
Second, students and adults should take a class about sex education.
>> CORRECT!
All generation do not have idea about sex.
>> Every generation does have any idea about sex.
So, they need to know what is exactly sex.
>> So they need to know exactly what is sex.
And also, they need to know sexual morality.
>> Moreover, they need to know about sexual morality.
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