In your opinion, is stress mainly caused by work and school, or by personal expectations?
학생이 쓴 원문
I think stress is mainly caused by personal expectations. If we don\'t have any expextiation in our life, we won\'t feel stress. For example, if a result of final exam is lower than our expectation, we might feel stress becasue we don\'t satisfy with the result. However, if we don\'t have any expectation of the exam result, the result can\'t affect to our mind. I think it\'s same in human interaction. The reason why we disappoint and feel stress from other people is we have an expextation which they maybe doing something but don\'t do that.
강사 첨삭
You expressed your opinion clearly and gave relevant examples to support your idea that stress comes mainly from personal expectations. I especially liked how you connected stress to exam results and human relationships, as these are situations many people can relate to. Your logic was easy to follow, and the conclusion was convincing. To improve, pay attention to spelling (expectation, because), verb forms, and prepositions such as affect our mind instead of affect to our mind. Also, try to vary your sentence structure slightly to make your writing smoother. Overall, this was a thoughtful and well-organized response, and with a few language adjustments, it will sound much more natural.
-Teacher Wela
I think it is better to avoid using phone and social media during a vacation.
>> I think it is better to avoid using phones and social media during a vacation.
I think a lot of people waste their time for social media.
>> I think a lot of people waste their time on social media.
Of course, using phone might give us dopamine, but it just a one second.
>>Of course, using a phone might give us dopamine, but it lasts only for a second.
If we use phone when we go on a vacation, our eyes and brain can\'t take a relax.
>> If we use our phones while on vacation, our eyes and brains cannot relax.
Therefore, if you really want to relax and rewind, you have to far from the phone during your vacation.
>>Therefore, if you really want to relax and recharge, you have to stay away from your phone during your vacation.
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