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학생이 쓴 원문
The first step is this internship. that's experiences give me a something special event which sharing different culture each other is so useful in my life. fastest experience about that allow me flexible mind to see on people of all of the world. and I'd like to understand culture of business in U.S.A.. although so easy work is also useful. since I had attitude a accepted mind any kind of workI believe that this positive of mind can improve more! by this internship.
(Explain why you participate in our program (motive)
It's not text of music and story of movie. really experience of me. When I woke up someday morning. I'm crying because I felt a happy. I lived in about 90yeast old at my dream. at this situation, remain just a little time to go to heaven.
강사 첨삭
Here are my corrections. :)
The first step is this internship.
>> And the first step I have to take is this internship.
that's experiences give me a something special event which sharing different culture each other is so useful in my life. fastest experience about that allow me flexible mind to see on people of all of the world.
>> This experience will be special to me and I would like to share this experience with people around the world and to be able to learn about different cultures of people and I know that this will be useful.
and I'd like to understand culture of business in U.S.A..
>>I would also like to know the environment of the different businesses in the USA.
although so easy work is also useful.
>> Although easy tasks are also useful.
since I had attitude a accepted mind any kind of workI believe that this positive of mind can improve more! by this internship.
>> Through this internship, it would help me improve the power of positive thinking.(Explain why you participate in our program (motive)
>> (Explain why you would like to participate in our program (motive))
It's not text of music and story of movie.
>> It's not about the lyrics of a song or the script of a movie.
really experience of me.
>> This is my real experience.
When I woke up someday morning. I'm crying because I felt a happy. I lived in about 90yeast old at my dream. at this situation, remain just a little time to go to heaven.
>> Well, one day I had dream, I was 90 years old, lying on my bed and I knew at that time that my end is near.
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