Inner beauty
학생이 쓴 원문
Many people could hardly see someone’s inner beauty until staying close with someone. They focus on what they see easily like face,body. But if you don’t know someone’s inner beauty or inner face, you wouldn’t get to know someone thoroughly. It’s so hard to see someone’s inner beauty but if you would have a little attension, then you can see the other part of someone
강사 첨삭
Hi John!
You have expressed your thoughts deeply in this composition.
Notice the way that I made use of pronouns in the corrections.
You can always use different words to express the same meaning.
Be adventurous and creative. ^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Many people could hardly see someone’s inner beauty until staying close with someone.
>> Many people can hardly see someone’s inner beauty until they have been close with them.
They focus on what they see easily like face,body.
>> They focus on what they see easily like the face or body.
But if you don’t know someone’s inner beauty or inner face, you wouldn’t get to know someone thoroughly.
>> But if you don’t know someone’s inner beauty, you wouldn’t get to know someone completely.
It’s so hard to see someone’s inner beauty but if you would have a little attension, then you can see the other part of someone
>> It’s so hard to see someone’s inner beauty but if you would pay a little attention, then you can see the other parts of people.
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