introduction myself

I wrote my introduction for american law school. please review, thank you.

Introduce yourself

OR: Introduction of Myself

Brad (1th

>> Brad (!st))

March 4, 2021

  

Hello Brad! Thank you for letting me read your letter. I see your full passion on entertainment and law. Who knows? in the future you might combine law and movie and create your own film in that field. Have a great day.

~Teacher Aki^^

I was born in Incheon but I have lived in Anyang since my family moved to here from Incheon because of my father’s job. 

>> I was born in Incheon but my family and I have to moved in Anyang because of my father\'s job.

My father had worked as Health and Welfare department official for more than 30 years. 

>> My father works as an official of Health and Welfare Department for more than 30 years.

My mother also has worked various jobs for many years. 

>> And my mother has worked with various jobs for many years.

I respect my parents and I want to live working until I am old like them. 

>> I respect my parents and I want to grow old working like them.

That’s why I have studied law in graduate school and I am dreaming  of becoming an the United States Lawyer. Another reason I want to be a U.S lawyer is that I love to learn English.

>> That\'s the reason why I studied law in the graduate school and I dream of becoming a United States Lawyer. That is also the reason why I love to learn the English language. 

 My special abilities are acting and making movies. 

>> CORRECT.

OR:  My special abilities include acting and making movies.

I have particpated in several movies, plays and dramas.

>> I had participated in several movies, plays and dramas.

 I also made two movies as director. I have been writing scripts including legal thriller.

>> I also made two movies as a director and had been writing scripts including legal thriller.

 I love many sports. I like to go to the sea for swimming and scuba diving in summer and I like to go skiing in winter. 

>> I love many sports like swimming and scuba diving which I do in Summer and go skiing in Winter.

Also, I enjoy playing billiards with people. 

>> I also enjoy playing billiards with people.

I had served in the Marine for more than 2 years because I am dynamic like that.

>> I had served in the Marine for more than 2 years because I am dynamic with that.

 As stated above, My dream job is a U.S.lawyer. But I am [Name]. So if I become a U.S.lawyer, I want to deal with international relations. 

>> As I mentioned above, Being a Korean, my dream job is to become a U.S. lawyer and I want to deal with international relations.

In addition, I want to work for entertainment like movie.

>>  In addition, I want to work in the movie entertainment.

 In order to achieve this dream, I had studied American laws such as Constitution, Contract, Torts, Criminal law, War Crime, Business crime and so on for 2 years in graduate school. 

>> CORRECT.

OR: For me to  achieve this dream, I had studied American laws such as Constitution, Contract, Torts, Criminal law, War Crime, Business crime and so on for 2 years in the graduate school.

Now If I have a chance to study in the Unites States, I ’d like to study laws in American law school.

>> Given the chance of studying in the United States, I would pursue law in an American law school.

 Until now, I appreciate you for reading my letter.

>> For now, I appreciate you for reading my letter.