Is it fair for a city to “shut down” areas for entertainment events?
학생이 쓴 원문
During the BTS concert, the access to Gwanghwamun area was highly restricted. All commercial buildings and stores were closed during weekend. Also, many employees were forced to use annual leave. Most importantly many people had to go through a security and body check, which caused inconvenience. All these actions led to public criticism of all managing departments including BTS agency, HYBE Corporation.
Increased security measures are required if commercial events are held in public areas. This is because disorder can lead to fatality such as the incident happened in Itaewon area. However, the event should not sacrifice public interest. The stores lost chance to yield profit, workers lost chance to use their leave in other days and residents of Jongno area experienced difficulties due to missing public transportation. Even though BTS has global popularity and can bring enormous economic benefit to South Korea, the event should not harm the livelihood of South Korean citizens.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for this, Aciel!
During the BTS concert, the access to Gwanghwamun area was highly restricted.
>>> correct
All commercial buildings and stores were closed during weekend. >>> All commercial buildings and stores were closed during the weekend.
Also, many employees were forced to use annual leave.
>>> correct
>>> OR: Also, many employees were forced to use their annual leave.
Most importantly many people had to go through a security and body check, which caused inconvenience.
>>> Most importantly, many people had to go through security and body checks, which caused inconvenience.
All these actions led to public criticism of all managing departments, including BTS agency, HYBE Corporation.
>>> correct
Increased security measures are required if commercial events are held in public areas. >>> correct
This is because disorder can lead to fatality such as the incident happened in Itaewon area.
>>> This is because disorder can lead to fatalities, such as the incident that happened in the Itaewon area.
However, the event should not sacrifice public interest.
>>> correct
The stores lost chance to yield profit, workers lost chance to use their leave in other days and residents of Jongno area experienced difficulties due to missing public transportation.
>>> However, the event should not sacrifice public interest. Stores lost the chance to earn profit, workers lost the chance to use their leave on other days, and residents of the Jongno area experienced difficulties due to limited public transportation.
Even though BTS has global popularity and can bring enormous economic benefit to South Korea, the event should not harm the livelihood of South Korean citizens.
>>> correct
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.