Is it more courageous to show vulnerability than it is to show strength?

2018-11-15 · 첨삭 강사 Charry

학생이 쓴 원문

I think that to show vulnerability is more courageous than it is to show strength. First of all, people who overcame their hurt can show their vulnerability. What I mean is that if I wouldn't overcome what I got hurt, I can't show my honesty about it. Because whenever I think or tell somebody, I will be upset or gloomy. However, in case of strength, If I am proud of myself due to it, I can always show it everyone. Also, showing vulnerability means the people should overcome blame of other people. For example, several women Korean celebrities confessed that they got sexual molestation by men. They are beautiful women so it can harm them because the attackers have high positions in Korea. Therefore, they would insist that they are not guilty then rather people can also blame the women because peole think the women are liars even though they are innocent. For these reasons, I think that to show vulnerability is more courageous than it is to show strength.

강사 첨삭

Hi, [이름]! :)
It\'s me again. ^^

Thanks for writing another essay. 
I think you\'re feeling really diligent to write right now. kkk.
I love it! :)
I hope you\'re having a great night.
See you later!
~Teacher Charry ^_~

   

I think that to show vulnerability is more courageous than it is to show strength.

>> I think that showing vulnerability is more courageous than showing strength.
First of all, people who overcame their hurt can show their vulnerability.

>> CORRECT!

What I mean is that if I wouldn\'t overcome what I got hurt, I can\'t show my honesty about it.

>> What I mean is that if I wouldn\'t overcome what hurt me, I can\'t show my honesty about it.

Because whenever I think or tell somebody, I will be upset or gloomy.

>> It\'s because whenever I think of it or tell somebody about it, I will be upset or gloomy.

However, in case of strength, If I am proud of myself due to it, I can always show it everyone.

>> However, in case of strength, if I am proud of myself due to it, I can always show it to everyone.
Also, showing vulnerability means the people should overcome blame of other people.

>> Also, showing vulnerability means the people should overcome blaming other people.

For example, several women Korean celebrities confessed that they got sexual molestation by men.

>> For example, several Korean women celebrities confessed that they got sexually molested by men.

They are beautiful women so it can harm them because the attackers have high positions in Korea.

>> CORRECT!

Therefore, they would insist that they are not guilty then rather people can also blame the women because peole think the women are liars even though they are innocent.

>> Therefore, they would insist that they are not guilty but people can also blame them because people may think the women are liars even though they are innocent.
For these reasons, I think that to show vulnerability is more courageous than it is to show strength.
>>
For these reasons, I think that showing vulnerability is more courageous than showing strength.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·