Is it necessary to have a goal? Why do you say so?
학생이 쓴 원문
I think having a goal is important to live. The life without goal makes people be bored and be passive. Because people have their own goals, they could organize their lives more wisely and happily. Goals also motivate people to enjoy their lives. If someone has a goal, s/he would try to achieve it. While s/he accomplishes it, s/he can think about their live and themselves to make better life. Therefore, having goals is crucial to me to live more cheerful.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for this [이름]!
I think having a goal is important to live.
>>> correct
The life without goal makes people be bored and be passive.
>>> correct.
>>> OR: A life without a goal makes people bored and passive.
Because people have their own goals, they could organize their lives more wisely and happily.
>>> Because if people have their own goals, they could organize their lives more wisely and happily.
Goals also motivate people to enjoy their lives.
>>> correct
If someone has a goal, s/he would try to achieve it.
>>> correct
While s/he accomplishes it, s/he can think about their live and themselves to make better life.
>>> While s/he accomplishes it, s/he can think about his/her life and herself/himself to make life better.
Therefore, having goals is crucial to me to live more cheerful.
>>> correct
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