Is politics important to you? How would you like political engagement to look in this country?
학생이 쓴 원문
It is very important because politics influence our life.
For example, we choose member of the National Assembly to make a law. If I want to make a new law about punishment of not observing military duty, I elect candidate who said about the law.
So, to live better life for me, we should engage in the politics.
Thus, I want to look positive about political engagement.
According to aggressive political engagement, our society is better than ever.
To live a better life, we should make a positive change and society change is appeared through politic engagement.
If we are not interested in politics, corruption of society is worse and our life is also damaged.
So, political engagement is essential factor to make a good society.
강사 첨삭
Hi Se [이름]!
Here are the corrections.
It is very important because politics influence our life.
>>Correct!
For example, we choose member of the National Assembly to make a law. If I want to make a new law about punishment of not observing military duty, I elect candidate who said about the law.
>>For example, we choose the member of the National Assembly to make a law. If I want to make a new law about punishment of not observing military duties, I elect candidates who can propose this kind of law.
So, to live better life for me, we should engage in the politics. Thus, I want to look positive about political engagement.
>>So, to live a better life, we should engage in politics. Thus, I want to look positive about political engagement.
According to aggressive political engagement, our society is better than ever. To live a better life, we should make a positive change and society change is appeared through politic engagement.
>>According to aggressive political engagement parties, our society is better than ever. To live a better life, we should make a positive change through political engagements.
If we are not interested in politics, corruption of society is worse and our life is also damaged. So, political engagement is essential factor to make a good society.
>>If we are not interested in politics, corruption in the society will be worse and our life will be also damaged. So, political engagement is an essential factor to create good society.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.