Is there any connection between the person\'s style of life and the duration of his life?

2020-07-02 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

To maintain people\'s health is really difficult in this busy life. Especially, Korean are well known working over hours than their normal working time without an extra salary. Adults usually drink a lot with their colleagues after work and then go home and sleep without any interaction with family and exercise. Most people who love drinking alcohol tend to smoke too. As a result, many people are obese because of bad habits at night. The study published in health magazine recently shows that people who refrain from risky healthy behaviors have a long life without disability. Smoking is well known factor that cause serious diseases such as cancer, heart failure and so on. Smoking is linked to early death whereas obesity was shown to be associated with a long period of time with disability. However, in regard to alcohol consumption are not proportional. Researcher showed that moderate alcohol consumption is good for human health. In aging society, the health of the elderly determines mo

강사 첨삭

Good afternoon Sir Namil~! ^^ Be grateful. Thank God for being a good learner during the week. It is time to work some more. Have fun! ^^
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
To maintain people\'s health is really difficult in this busy life. 
>>> CORRECT
Especially, Korean are well known working over hours than their normal working time without an extra salary. 
>>> Especially, Korean are well known to be working over hours than their normal working time without an extra salary. 
Adults usually drink a lot with their colleagues after work and then go home and sleep without any interaction with their family and exercise.
>>> CORRECT
 Most people who love drinking alcohol tend to smoke too. 
>>> CORRECT
As a result, many people are obese because of bad habits at night. 
>>> As a result, many people are becoming obese because of bad habits at night. 
The study published in health magazine recently shows that people who refrain from risky healthy behaviors have a long life without disability.
>>> CORRECT
 Smoking is well known factor that cause serious diseases such as cancer, heart failure and so on.
>>>  Smoking is a well-known factor that causes serious diseases such as cancer, heart failure and so on.
Smoking is linked to early deaths whereas obesity was shown to be associated with a long period of time with disability. 
>>> CORRECT
However, in regard to alcohol consumption are not proportional. 
>>> However, with regards to alcohol consumption is not proportion. 
Researcher showed that moderate alcohol consumption is good for human health. 
>>> CORRECT
In aging society, the health of the elderly determines...
>>> CORRECT

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·