Journal

2021-09-03 · 첨삭 강사 Donna

학생이 쓴 원문

Today Is my father\'s birthday. So my mother cooked for father. Seeweed soup, jabchae etc... But I can\'t greet father Because, I went to the cafe for part time work. So when I came back home, I ate them. It was so delicious! By the way, so many people was born in september who around me First, my father was born september 2th. Second, my boyfriend was born september 8th. And my one bestfriend was born eptemner 10th. And some peoples also have birthday in september who not much close to me. I have a funny story. My almost EX boyfriends was born sebtember... Maybe 4 people. I don\'t know why! Anyway It is a secret to my boyfriend Donna! Haha(hush!) Maybe november is getting cold month. many people feels like lonely...in november... And december is too.( chirist mas!) So...you know what I mean? Haha. Many people was born september and october! believe it or not ! lol Today I writh long story on my journal. Thank you for read it Donna. And please check. See you!

강사 첨삭

Hello Jennie!

Wow, you are such a wonderful writer! Look at these meaningful, funny, and carefully thought of sentences. You did a great job in telling me about all the people 
around you who are celebrating their birthdays in September. It\'s funny that my best friend is also born on September 11. 

Don\'t worry, your secrets are very safe with me... ^^

Happy birthday again to your father! Please read and understand all the suggestions I gave you below. Take care and EXCELLENT JOB JENNIE!

-T Donna =)

Today Is my father\'s birthday.
>> Correct!
Or: Today is my father\'s birthday.

So my mother cooked for father.
>> Correct!
Or: So my mother cooked for Father.

Seeweed soup, jabchae etc...
>> Correct!

But I can\'t greet father
>> But, I cannot greet Father.

Because, I went to the cafe for part time work.
>> Correct!

So when I came back home, I ate them.
>> Correct!

It was so delicious!
>> Correct!

By the way, so many people was born in september who around me
>> By the way, so many people were born in September who  are around me.

First, my father was born september 2th.
>> First, my father was born on September 2th.

Second, my boyfriend was born september 8th.
>> Second, my boyfriend was born on September 8th.

And my one bestfriend was born eptemner 10th.
>> And my bestfriend was born on September 10th.

And some peoples also have birthday in september who not much close to me.
>> And some people also have their birthday in September who are not much close to me.

I have a funny story.
>> Correct!

My almost EX boyfriends was born sebtember...
>> Almost all my ex-boyfriends were born in September.

Maybe 4 people.
>> Correct!

I don\'t know why!
>> Correct!

Anyway It is a secret to my boyfriend Donna! Haha(hush!)
>> Correct!

Maybe november is getting cold month.
>> Maybe November is getting to be a colder month.

many people feels like lonely...in november...
>> Many people feel lonely in November.

And december is too.( chirist mas!)
>> And December is too. (Christmas!)

So...you know what I mean? Haha.
>> Correct!

Many people was born september and october!
>> Many people are born on September and October.

believe it or not ! lol
>> Believe it or not ! lol



Today I writh long story on my journal.
>> Today I wrote a long story on my journal.

Thank you for read it Donna.
>> Thank you for reading it Donna.

And please check. See you!
>> Correct!

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