Less contact between young and old

2020-09-23 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

Always thank you Gemma!

강사 첨삭

Hi there [이름]~! ^^ Thanks for answering your Writing Task. I see that you have commendable ideas. Keep it up!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

There is less social contact between young and old. What are the reasons? What measures can be taken?

 

It is clear that social interaction between younger generation and older generation is not enough is common phenomenon. 

>>> It is clear that social interaction between younger generation and older generation is not enough and is a common phenomenon. 

Some people think that one of the causes is that they have nothing to do with each other’s culture. 

>>> CORRECT

However, in my opinion, the major cause of the issue is that lack of communication, and therefore it is required for governments to run a campaign for different generations to understand one another. 

>>> CORRECT

It can be said that the governments should make a priority to run a campaign.

>>> CORRECT 

One of the causes related to the issue is that the absence of communication between young and old generations. 

>>> CORRECT

Even though there are other factors for it, nothing is more fundamental factor than lack of communication. 

>>> CORRECT

According to the survey conducted by the Korean Times, one of the most renowned newspaper companies in South Korea, 85.2% of young people in Korea answered that they have had biases on old people and they felt barriers between them when they talked to old people.

>>> CORRECT

 It shows how strongly the absence of communication affects the social interaction in a negative way.

 >>> CORRECT

As far as the solution is concerned, running a campaign by governments for overcoming barriers between generations can make it possible for people to understand each other.

>>> CORRECT

 Despite the fact that introduction of the campaign is not the only solution for it, it is an ice-breaker which can break obstacles that can bring harmony between generations. 

>>> CORRECT

Let’s take the campaign ‘Happy Together’ run by the Daejeon City Government in 2014 as an example.

>>> CORRECT

The city held concerts and music booths for all the people so people can enjoy the music together.

>>> CORRECT

 As a result, the different generations of the people could connect and communicate.

>>> CORRECT

As we can see in the example, running a campaign can play significant role in connecting different generations. 

>>> CORRECT

Therefore, the government should not hesitate to run a campaign.

 >>> CORRECT

In conclusion, the lack of communication between generations can be considered the major cause of the issue and thus, governments should put the emphasis on running campaign for people.

>>> CORRECT


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