Life without stars
학생이 쓴 원문
Stars are necessary things to our life. If other stars that don\'t affect big things to earth are not existed, there won\'t be big problem. But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can\'t live without them. In conclusion, we can\'t live without all of stars.
Diary: I listened to music tonight. The musics were Yiruma\'s songs, Einaudi\'s songs, and Alan walker\'s songs. Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings. First Yiruma\'s songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. Second, Einaudi\'s songs are very deep, and classical. Third, Alan walker\'s pop songs are like adventures. Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.
강사 첨삭
Hi, Daniel! Thanks for your effort. However, you have to be careful with sentence construction.
-Teacher Debbie
Stars are necessary things to our life.
>> Stars are necessary.
If other stars that don\'t affect big things to earth are not existed, there won\'t be big problem.
>> If the other stars didn\'t exist, there wouldn\'t be a big problem.
But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can\'t live without them.
>> However, the sun and the other stars which greatly affect the earth are very important, so we can\'t live without them.
In conclusion, we can\'t live without all of stars.
>> In conclusion, we can\'t live without stars.
Diary:
I listened to music tonight.
>> This is a good sentence.
The musics were Yiruma\'s songs, Einaudi\'s songs, and Alan walker\'s songs.
>> I listened to Yiruma\'s songs, Einaudi\'s songs, and Alan Walker\'s songs.
Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings.
>> Each song makes me feel various emotions.
First Yiruma\'s songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling.
>> First, Yiruma\'s songs make me feel love, saudade and joy.
Second, Einaudi\'s songs are very deep, and classical.
>> Second, Einaudi\'s songs are very deep and classical.
Third, Alan walker\'s pop songs are like adventures.
>> Third, Alan Walker\'s pop songs are like adventures.
Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.
>> Music makes you feel a lot of emotions. It is powerful.
I agree with you, Daniel. Music is indeed powerful.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.