Long time no writing!! Hahaha!! :)

2014-05-20 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

The topic you gave me today reminds me of personal information leakage of Korean card corporations which happened in March. Because of this, a lot of people stopped using cards of those card corporations. And you had to wait at least 3 hours to cancel your card contract in a bank at that time.(Those card corporations have their own banks.) I searched the Internet to see how it's going on now and those companies have to reward at least 35 billion won for the personal information damage. I think this is one of cases that let us make more effort to save our private things. But how irony it is!! These days we have to write where we live, cellphone number, resident registration number and on even when we join a club on the Internet. Since I was a child, I have always doubted why I should write my personal information which has no relation with activities of the Internet. However I've had to write it because without it you couldn't even join one website. Have a great, wonderful day, Rose :)

강사 첨삭

Oh, [이름]! Good luck on your presentation today! I really wish you will ride it well~ Privacy nowadays seems something people are definitely oblivious on. The values of that disappears overtime. I would rather stick to a conservative background I grew up in rather than compromise what I have believed in. Thanks for writing this wonderful essay which brightens up my day^^ The topic you gave me today reminds me of personal information leakage of Korean card corporations which happened in March. >>CORRECT! >>The topic you gave me today made me reminisce the personal information leakage of Korean card corporations which happened last March.  Because of this, a lot of people stopped using cards of those card corporations. >>Because of this, a lot of people stopped using cards from those corporations.And you had to wait at least 3 hours to cancel your card contract in a bank at that time. >>And you had to wait for at least 3 hours to cancel your card contract in a bank at that time. (Those card corporations have their own banks.) >>CORRECT! >>(Those card corporations have their respective banks.)  I searched the Internet to see how it\'s going on now and those companies have to reward at least 35 billion won for the personal information damage. >> I searched the Internet to see how it\'s going on now and those companies have to pay at least 35 billion won for the personal information damage.  I think this is one of cases that let us make more effort to save our private things. >> I think this is one of the cases in which we have to exert more effort in saving our private things. But how irony it is!! >>But how ironic it is!! These days we have to write where we live, cellphone number, resident registration number and on even when we join a club on the Internet. >> These days we have to write where we live in, cellphone number, resident registration number even when we join a club on the Internet. Since I was a child, I have always doubted why I should write my personal information which has no relation with activities of the Internet. >>Since I was a child, I have always doubted why I should write my personal information which is not related with the activities of the Internet. However I\'ve had to write it because without it you couldn\'t even join one website. >>However, I have to write it because without it, we couldn\'t even join a website. Have a great, wonderful day, Rose :) >>CORRECT!

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·