Make your answer concise. Which one do you choose? Wealth or happiness? Why? Answer in not more than

2017-09-25 · 첨삭 강사 Chloe

학생이 쓴 원문

If I have to choose the values between wealth and happiness, I will choose Wealth without any hesitation. I have been thinking that Wealth leads to the happiness since I suffered from every kind occasions related in money that made my confidence getting low. As you know, the most important reason why people are having their job is to live more gratifying life as accumulating wealth. There are so many unhappy underprivileged and unemployed workers who want to make more money. Of course despite of having much more money such as millionaire, there are unfortunate wealthy people. Nonetheless, they are very few in number. Therefore, the more I become a rich, the more happiness it comes because the problem about money that bothered us would be solved.

강사 첨삭

Hello, [이름]!

This is a very good topic that we can talk about tonight.

What do you think?

I am not going to say my opinions for now.

I am going to tell you in our class tonight.

You have nice ideas.

Anyway, I got your point and I understood it well.

~Teacher Chloe

If I have to choose the values between wealth and happiness, I will choose Wealth without any hesitation.
>>If I have to choose between wealth and happiness, I will choose wealth without any hesitation.
I have been thinking that Wealth leads to the happiness since I suffered from every kind occasions related in money that made my confidence getting low.
>>I have been thinking that wealth brings happiness. I have experienced being without money and it brought me sadness.
As you know, the most important reason why people are having their job is to live more gratifying life as accumulating wealth.
>>To some people, the reason why they work is be wealthy so they could have a satisfying life.
There are so many unhappy underprivileged and unemployed workers who want to make more money.
>>There are so many unhappy, underprivileged and unemployed who want to earn a lot of money.
Of course despite of having much more money such as millionaire, there are unfortunate wealthy people.
>>However, I cannot say that all wealthy men are happy.
Nonetheless, they are very few in number.
>>Although, they are just a few in number.
Therefore, the more I become a rich, the more happiness it comes because the problem about money that bothered us would be solved. 

>>Therefore, the more I become richer, the more happiness it brings.

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