Mark's superpower (2)

Then, it began warmer and the snow all melted. Mark was surprised. He had superpowers!! So he used another superpower. He thought " I want to fly " Then he started to fly!! he flew everyway he wanted. Through the streets, between buildings. He became a superman!!!Everybody in the streets clapped and envied him. While he was listening to the sounds, he remembered that he didn't go to school! so he flew as fast as he could and he wasn't late. But... Everythings was a dream. The clapping sound was an alarm sound. He was distressed. His dreams were broken. On saturday, my youngersister bought a new cellphone. It is a touchphone!! The phone name was cooky phone not cookie phone. Anyway it's very stylish and it has many great abilities. I want to have one.

Hi Joey! Nice imagination you have there! Well anyways, it is better not to jump from one idea to another. How about talking just about superman or just about the cell phone. You can jump from one topic to another if it is somehow related so it would sound better ok? but all in all, your composition was good. Not much corrections. Good job!       Then, it began warmer and the snow all melted. Mark was surprised. He had superpowers!! >>correct So he used another superpower. He thought " I want to fly " Then he started to fly!! he flew everyway he wanted. >>So he used another superpower. He thought " I want to fly " Then he started to fly!! he flew everywhere he wanted. Through the streets, between buildings. He became a superman!!!Everybody in the streets clapped and envied him. >>In the the streets and in between buildings. He became a superman!!!Everybody in the streets clapped and envied him. While he was listening to the sounds, he remembered that he didn't go to school! >>correct so he flew as fast as he could and he wasn't late. >>correct But... Everythings was a dream. The clapping sound was an alarm sound. He was distressed. >>But... Everythings was a dream. The clapping sound was an alarm sound. He was disappointed. His dreams were broken. On saturday, my youngersister bought a new cellphone. It is a touchphone!! >>His dreams were broken. Last saturday, my younger sister bought a new cellphone. It is a touchphone!! The phone name was cooky phone not cookie phone. Anyway it's very stylish and it has many great abilities. >>The phone name was cooky phone not cookie phone. Anyway it's very stylish and it has many great features. I want to have one. >>correct