Marriage issue
학생이 쓴 원문
Thank you so much for your cheerful comments always...
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
I think you know a lot abut the subject.
That\'s why you wrote well.
Knowledge is really an important step to writing.
Keep it up!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
These days, marriage rate is lower than before.
>> These days, marriage rates are lower than before.
Especially, women do not feel that they need to get married
because women are very independent financially nowadays.
>> Correct
This essay will discuss whether women should
get married even though they have financial ability or not and I would express my opinion as well.
>> Correct
As the human rights is developed, gender equality is also improved than before.
>> As human rights developed, gender equality has also improved than before.
Women can learn and get
any jobs like men.
>> Women can learn and get any job like men do.
Moreover, women can earn a lot of money than men.
>> Moreover, women can earn more money than men.
It is not only the reason why
marriage rate have decreased, but it is one of the main reason of the situation.
>> It is not the only reason why marriage rates have gone down, but it is one of the main reasons of the situation.
In my view, I want to recommend women to get married even though women have enough financial ability.
>> Correct
There are two reason.
>> There are two reasons.
Firstly, women can reel more stability.
>> Correct
Normally, when a couple get married, the
man work and earn money at that time.
>> Normally, when a couple gets married, the man works and earns money at that time.
At the same time, if the woman earn money together with the man,
they would save more money than earing money alone.
>> At the same time, if the woman earns money together with the man, they would save more money than earning money alone.
As a re[이름]t, women can feel stability because they
have both husband and money.
>> As a re[이름]t, women can feel stability because they have both a husband and money.
Secondly, women can feel physical safety if they get married.
>> Secondly, women can feel safe if they get married.
Financial
security is very important, however, women cannot ignore physical safety.
>> Financial security is very important, however, women cannot ignore personal safety.
Biologically, women are not
stronger than men and sometimes women need physical power of men as women get older.
>> Biologically, women are not stronger than men and sometimes women need the physical power of men as women get older.
Therefore, it is
not only vital to have financial security, but also physical security.
>> Therefore, it is not only vital to have financial security, but also personal security.
In conclusion, there are many thoughts and minds in society.
>> Correct
Nevertheless, there is a true that people cannot
live alone.
>> Nevertheless, it is true that people cannot live alone.
People need a help and supporting each other.
>> People need help and support from each other.
I think marriage is one of the good ways to live
together.
>> Correct
Therefore, even though women can earn a lot of money, marriage is necessary to women.
>> Correct
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