Mobile Phone: part of our life
학생이 쓴 원문
Many people has their own mobile phone nowadays. The user of mobile phone has increased rapidly for a decade. But I think there is no person who\'ve told the risk of addictive using mobile phone. if you use mobile phone for a long time, you would get a turtle neck syndrome or bad eyesight. even if there are so many risk using mobile phone, they couldn\'t give up using mobile phone because it would be a part of themselves nowadays. if you couldn\'t, then you should try to have a good posture at least.
강사 첨삭
Hi John!
Take note of the correct terms I suggested below.
They are common in expressing the ideas that you want to share.
Thank you for your hard work every day.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Many people has their own mobile phone nowadays. >> Many people have their own mobile phone nowadays.
The user of mobile phone has increased rapidly for a decade.
>> The number of users of mobile phones has increased rapidly for a decade.
But I think there is no person who\'ve told the risk of addictive using mobile phone.
>> However, I think there is no person who could\'ve foretold the risk of addiction in using mobile phones.
if you use mobile phone for a long time, you would get a turtle neck syndrome or bad eyesight.
>> If you use mobile phones for a long time, you could get turtle neck syndrome or bad eyesight.
even if there are so many risk using mobile phone, they couldn\'t give up using mobile phone because it would be a part of themselves nowadays.
>> Even if there are so many risks using mobile phones, people couldn\'t give up on using them because they are a part of themselves nowadays.
if you couldn\'t, then you should try to have a good posture at least.
>> If you can\'t stop using mobile phones, then you should try to maintain a good posture at least.
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