Money vs Free time
학생이 쓴 원문
This topic makes me to think. thank you so much always and have a nice weekend.
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
You started out great.
There are a couple of things you had to work on in the middle and towards the end.
Please take note of your questions.
Let\'s discuss everything next week.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Money is vital factor in our lives.
>> Money is a vital factor in our lives.
However, many people think that time is more important than money.
>> Correct
Therefore, there are different opinions choosing more money and less free time or less money and more free
time.
>> Correct
This essay will discuss whether money is more important value in our lives or time is and I would express
my opinion as well.
>> This essay will discuss whether money is more important in our lives or time is and I would express my opinion as well.
The main reason why people choose having more money than free time is the people want to be rich.
>> The main reason why people choose having more money than free time is that they want to be rich.
The people
think becoming rich is the best value in Capitalism.
>> They think becoming rich is the best value in Capitalism.
It is true that if you have a lot of money, you can do many
things compared to a poor.
>> It is true that if you have a lot of money, you can do many things compared to poor people.
For instance, a poor cannot send their children to high quality of schools because of
money, while a rich can send.
>> For instance, the poor cannot send their children to reputable schools because of money, while the rich can.
Sometimes, we can have freedom depending on the amount of money.
>> Sometimes, we can have freedom depending on the amount of money in our possession.
Secondly,
earning a lot of money can be an achievement to someone.
>> Correct
It is not for the other reasons, some people really feel
happy when they are gathering money.
>> There are no reasons other than some people really feel happy when they are earning money.
Even though the people live in poor houses, the fact that gives them
energy and power.
>> Even though these people live in poor houses, this fact gives them energy and power.
However, others think having free time more important than earning more money.
>> However, others think having free time is more important than earning more money.
The reason is that they do not
need much money in their lives.
>> Correct
They just want enough money to live.
>> Correct
These people insist that people
cannot spend all of the money what they have earned during their lives.
>> These people insist that they cannot spend all of the money that they have earned during their lives.
Moreover, people have restricted times.
>> Moreover, people have limited time.
Therefore, they think we should enjoy our lives with having more free time than working such as traveling,
playing sports and so on.
>> Correct
In my view, time is more precious value than money.
>> In my view, time is more precious than money.
I believe that we cannot feel perfect satisfaction from
earing money.
>> I believe that we cannot feel perfect satisfaction from earning money.
If I focus on getting more money, I will just follow money other than family and friend.
>> If I focus on getting more money, I will just follow money instead of family and friends.
However,
having free time means that I can spend my time for my family and friends.
>> However, having free time means that I can spend time with my family and friends.
Eventually, it brings to me happy.
>> Eventually, it brings me happiness.
Therefore, having free time is more important than having more money.
>> Correct
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