Music is vital for me
학생이 쓴 원문
Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people. For example, In movie, music is vital things.If there isn\'t music the movie will be boring. Or, If music isn\'t exist then we can\'t relax music anymore. Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music. Music makes my brain pay attention something more. So I think music is vital for my life.
강사 첨삭
Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people.
>> Music is not vital for everybody; however, it is vital for many people.
For example, In movie, music is vital things.
>> in addition, it is vital in movies.
If there isn\'t music the movie will be boring.
>> If there weren\'t music, movies would be boring.
Or, If music isn\'t exist then we can\'t relax music anymore.
>> Moreover, if it didn\'t exist, we couldn\'t relax anymore.
Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
>>Relaxing music calms us, so it can treat our spirits.
In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music.
>> In my case, I relax by listening to music, and I study with music.
Music makes my brain pay attention something more.
>> It makes my brain pay attention to something more.
So I think music is vital for my life.
>> So I think music is vital for my life.
Hi, Daniel! Thank you for doing your homework during your vacation. I hope you had a great one.
You can use pronouns instead of writing the same nouns over and over.
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