My dad

My dad always works for us, and earns lots of money. If he wasn't part of our family, we can't really buy anything. So, he has to work and earn money for us. Sometimes, I forget this. My dad used to have black hair, but now he is old . He is getting more white hair,also he is weaker than he used to. I'm really sad that now he's getting old. Maybe one day, I will be a father in one of families. I want to be a good father as my father. When I get good grades, he is proud of me. I will make my father more proud of me!!

You have a nice family. You have a sweet mom, a great dad, and a cute sister. Please remain to be a good son and brother. Here are your corrections.-Teacher JM   My dad always works for us, and earns lots of money. >>>My dad always works for us and earns lots of money.If he wasn't part of our family, we can't really buy anything. >>>If he wasn't part of our family, we couldn't really buy anything.So, he has to work and earn money for us. >>>Correct^^Sometimes, I forget this. >>>Correct^^ >>>better: Sometimes, I forget about this important fact. My dad used to have black hair, but now he is old . >>>Correct^^He is getting more white hair,also he is weaker than he used to.>>>He is getting more white hair. Moreover, he is weaker than he used to be. I'm really sad that now he's getting old.>>>I'm really sad that he's getting old now.Maybe one day, I will be a father in one of families. >>>Maybe one day, I will be a father too.I want to be a good father as my father.>>>I want to be as good a father as my father is.When I get good grades, he is proud of me.>>>When I get good grades, he gets proud of me.I will make my father more proud of me!! >>>I will make my father more proud of me!!