my homework
학생이 쓴 원문
HOMEWORK FOR TODAY:
ESSAY: Some people believe that nowadays too much money is being spent on weddings and birthdays. Why do you think it is happening? What can be done to improve the situation?
I want say that too much of spend habit on weddings and birthdays based on lots of earnings.
We are experienced expansion of job by development computer device and engineeing skill. Simple work are abolished but, more hard work coming in our life. So, we have much wage, and then spend a lot of money.
Well, I think that this stream is very good situation. much spending money cause important economic cycle. However, this phenomenon should not be exacerbated. We must think and consume, and constantly think about whether we need it or not. This will prevent overconsumption and lead to better consumption, which will eventually lead to economic effects.
강사 첨삭
Hi there Lee. You make me happy whenever I check your essay. You try to write longer everyday. I appreciate your effort and dilgence. Keep it up! You acknowledge both the positive and negative aspects of increased spending, which shows balanced thinking however there are still areas to be improved. Check it out!
We are experienced expansion of job by development computer device and engineeing skill. Simple work are abolished but, more hard work coming in our life.
Well, I think that this stream is very good situation. much spending money cause important economic cycle.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I want say that too much of spend habit on weddings and birthdays based on lots of earnings.
>>> I think that people tend to spend too much money on weddings and birthday celebrations as their incomes increase.
We are experienced expansion of job by development computer device and engineeing skill. Simple work are abolished but, more hard work coming in our life.
>>> We have experienced major changes in employment due to the development of computer technology and engineering skills. Many simple jobs have disappeared, while more complex and demanding jobs have emerged.
So, we have much wage, and then spend a lot of money.
>>> As a result, we earn higher wages and spend more money.
Well, I think that this stream is very good situation. much spending money cause important economic cycle.
>>> I think this trend is very positive. Increased spending plays an important role in supporting the economy.
However, this phenomenon should not be exacerbated.
>>> CORRECT!
We must think and consume, and constantly think about whether we need it or not.
>>> We should make thoughtful consumption decisions and continually evaluate whether a purchase is truly necessary.
This will prevent overconsumption and lead to better consumption, which will eventually lead to economic effects.
>>> This approach can reduce overconsumption and promote more efficient consumption, ultimately contributing to sustainable economic growth.
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