My homework
학생이 쓴 원문
------------------------------
HOMEWORK FOR TODAY
ESSAY: More people are becoming overweight. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?
Today, many people are experiencing being overweight. This means that it is a better environment than in the old days, when people starve to death due to less food available. However, being overweight is causing us to have another problem.
The reason we are becoming overweight recently is that we have less activity. Think about it, we mostly have static jobs, sitting in chairs and working at our desks rather than active jobs. We used to hunt animals ourselves, but now we research and develop something else. This makes us gain weight easily.
More nutritional development is also responsible for being overweight. We get to eat more efficiently and eat more delicious and high-quality meals. This is also one of the reasons for obesity.
강사 첨삭
Happy Friday Lee! Congratulations on making it through another week. No matter how busy, challenging, or stressful the past few days may have been, you made it to Friday. Take a moment to appreciate your hard work, your effort, and the progress you\'ve made, even if it feels small. Thanks for your essay as usual. Keep doing your best! See you!
The reason we are becoming overweight recently is that we have less activity.
More nutritional development is also responsible for being overweight.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Today, many people are experiencing being overweight.
>>> Today, many people struggle with being overweight.
This means that it is a better environment than in the old days, when people starve to death due to less food available.
>>> In some ways, this reflects an improvement in living conditions compared to the past, when food shortages and starvation were common.
However, being overweight is causing us to have another problem.
OR>>> However, being overweight has created new health challenges.
The reason we are becoming overweight recently is that we have less activity.
>>> One reason obesity has become more common is that people are less physically active than before.
Think about it, we mostly have static jobs, sitting in chairs and working at our desks rather than active jobs.
>>> Most modern jobs require us to sit at desks for long hours rather than engage in physical labor.
We used to hunt animals ourselves, but now we research and develop something else.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> In the past, people spent much more time hunting, farming, or performing other physically demanding tasks.
This makes us gain weight easily.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
More nutritional development is also responsible for being overweight.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>Advances in food production and nutrition have also contributed to the problem.
We get to eat more efficiently and eat more delicious and high-quality meals.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
This is also one of the reasons for obesity.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.