my homework in 23, Jul

2012-07-24 · 첨삭 강사 Sheela

학생이 쓴 원문

If I get one million dollars, of course, I’d like to buy a small house for my family and care for my parents to comfortable. But I cannot use for that, I’ll donate 0ne million dollars to society. Exactly, there are not enough libraries as compared with population in Korea. So, I’d like to build a small library for the younger disabled. Absolutely, libraries for the disabled lack so much in Korea, because they need some special instrument for reading, listening, using computer as well as move. Of course, I need to big money more than one million dollars in order to build a new library. I have to maintain land for library, lots of furniture, computers and a special car for the disabled as well as structure supplies. I can’t buy them with one million, so I have a plan to get them for free. I’ll ask donation to Korea government and big companies in Korea. First of all, I’ll eternally lend free the land for library to government. And then I’ll request voluntary construction to big company like Hyundai E&C or GS E&C. Also, many furniture, computers and special car will be donated by Samsung Electronic or Hyundai Motors Group. Naturally, I’d like to design the library myself for free. Donation like this will be good to companies in which will participate. They can get better social image from this project. If I can do this donation project, it will be great memory and the best experience in my life. Sorry. I’ll talk to you about reason of absence. See you later.

강사 첨삭

Hi Mr. [이름]!      You know what when I was reading your composition, I had goosebumps. You are one of a kind! A philantropist. I wish that all people think like you so that we will not experience wars and misunderstanding all over the world. If only big companies will give their best shots to help the society, I guess eternal peace will be achieved. Unity always leads to peace, right?  Well, in reality since you don\'t have a million dollars yet, maybe you just have to be a good citizen in your country. Help the needy whenever you can, that\'s the time that you can say, this is the best expererience in life. See you later too! ----T. Sheela--- If I get one million dollars, of course, I’d like to buy a small house for my family and care for my parents to comfortable. >>>If I would have one million dollars, of course I would like to buy a small house for my family and to make my parents comfortable in life. But I cannot use for that, I’ll donate 0ne million dollars to society. >>>But if I will not use that amount, I\'d rather donate it to the society.Exactly, there are not enough libraries as compared with population in Korea. >>>Exactly, there are not enough libraries when we compare to the population of Korea. So, I’d like to build a small library for the younger disabled. >>>So, I would like to build a small library for young people who are physically disabled. Absolutely, libraries for the disabled lack so much in Korea, because they need some special instrument for reading, listening, using computer as well as move. >>>Absolutely, libraries for the disabled are lacking in Korea because it need some special instrument for reading, listening, using computers, and for them to move around the room. Of course, I need to big money more than one million dollars in order to build a new library. >>>Of course I need to have  big money, maybe more than a million dollars, to build a new library. I have to maintain land for library, lots of furniture, computers and a special car for the disabled as well as structure supplies. >>>I also have to have a land to put up a library, lots of furnitures, computers, special service car for the disabled, and structure supplies too.  I can’t buy them with one million, so I have a plan to get them for free. >>>I can\'t buy them using one million dollars only so I have a plan to get them for free.I’ll ask donation to Korea government and big companies in Korea. >>>I will ask donations from the Korean government and big companies in our country. First of all, I’ll eternally lend free the land for library to government. >>>First step, I will ask the government for a free lot or space where the library will be constructed. And then I’ll request voluntary construction to big company like Hyundai E&C or GS E&C. >>>And then, I will send requests to big companies like Hyundai, E&C, or GS for them to construct a building voluntarily. Also, many furniture, computers and special car will be donated by Samsung Electronic or Hyundai Motors Group. >>>While the furnitures, computers, and special service cars will be donated by E&C, Samsung Electronics, and Hyundai Motors Group respectively. Naturally, I’d like to design the library myself for free. >>>Naturally, I wil design the library for free too. Donation like this will be good to companies in which will participate. >>>These donations will be good from the participating companies. They can get better social image from this project. >>>They can improve their social image if they will do this. If I can do this donation project, it will be great memory and the best experience in my life. >>>If only I can do this project, I guess this will be my greatest legacy to Korean people and that I will consider this as the best experience in my life. Sorry. I’ll talk to you about reason of absence. See you later. >>>I\'m sorry. I will tell you the reason why I am absent. I\'ll see you later.

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