My team

2020-10-13 · 첨삭 강사 Jasper

학생이 쓴 원문

Dear jesper I would like to talk with you about my previous company. I was a sales manager at the time. I had 7 staffs of my team. One of members was mail. She spoke English very well. But the others could not speak English and they were femail. My team took a products from USA. so we also have to get a GMP to sell this products in Korea. So, I sent mail staff to get GMP to the USA. She worked hard to get it and finished it perfactly. So I gave high point to her when I estimated job performance. but others members did not admit my estimation for her because she is mail. But I didn\'t think so. Now is same. Ability is not from mail or femail. That is from efforts. She did her best to get the missions.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름], thank you for doing your homework. It is highly appreciated. Keep up the good work. See you in class. -T. Jasper

Here are your corrections:

Dear jesper
>> Jasper

I would like to talk with you about my previous company.
>> I would like to talk about my previous company.

I was a sales manager at the time.
>> I was a sales manager there.

I had 7 staffs of my team.
>> I had 7 staffs in my team.

One of members was mail. 
>> One of the members is a male.

She spoke English very well. 
>> He speaks English very well. 

But the others could not speak English and they were femail.
>> But, the others could not speak English and they were females. 

 My team took a products from USA. 
>> My team had to take products from the USA. 

so we also have to get a GMP to sell this products in Korea. 
>> CORRECT

So, I sent mail staff to get GMP to the USA.
>> So, I sent my male staff to get the GMP from the USA.

She worked hard to get it and finished it perfactly.
>> He worked hard to get it and was able to finish perfectly.

So I gave high point to her when I estimated job performance. 
>> I gave him high points for his performance.

but others members did not admit my estimation for her because she is mail.
>> But the others didn\'t accept it because he\'s a male.

But I didn\'t think so. Now is same.
>> I didn\'t thought so. Even now, it\'s still the same.

Ability is not from mail or femail. That is from efforts.
>> Our ability is not based on our gender. It is from our efforts.

She did her best to get the missions.
>> He did his best to accomplish his missions.

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